Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Essay 1355


Real Cosmo Kramer Quotes, Slightly Rejiggered…

Kramer (breaking up with his girlfriend): “I must’ve been out of my mind! Look at you. Why don’t you do something with your life? You sit around here all day. You contribute nothing to society. You’re just taking up space. How could I be with someone like you? I wouldn’t respect myself. A n-----! Look, there’s a n-----!”

Kramer: “Because I’m like ice, buddy. When I don’t like you, you’ve got problems. Throw his ass out! He’s a n-----!”

Kramer: “They’re gonna cut him open, his guts’ll be all over the place! Shut up! Fifty years ago, we’d have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass!”

Kramer: “Who’s gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It’s chocolate, it’s peppermint — He’s a n-----! — it’s delicious!”

Kramer (after learning how much money Jerry makes): “I don’t think I can talk to you any more. I feel inferior. You calling me cracker-ass, n-----?”

Kramer: “Hey, you know what would make a great coffee table book? A coffee table book about coffee tables! It’s uncalled for you to interrupt my ass, you cheap motherfucker!”

Kramer: “I’m Cosmo Kramer, the Assman! That’s what happens when you interrupt the White [Ass]man, don’t you know?”

Kramer: He’s not a Nazi, Elaine. He just happens to be a little eccentric. Most geniuses are. He’s a n-----!”

Kramer: If you’re not gonna be a part of a civil society, then just get in your car and drive on over to the East Side. They’re going to arrest me for calling a Black man a n-----!”

No comments:

Post a Comment