Essay Fifty-Nine

Giant-sized MultiCultClassics Minutes…

• DaimlerChrysler settled racial bias lawsuits brought by minority customers in Chicago and New Jersey. The car giant was accused of showing discrimination in its customer lending policies. The settlements require the company to spend about $3.5 million sponsoring consumer money literacy programs in minority communities. Plus, they’ll provide their own employees with anti-discrimination training. Seems strange that settlement money will be spent on cleaning up its own garage. DaimerChrysler’s brands include Mercedes-Benz, Dodge, Chrysler and Jeep. The customers should have held out for a Cabriolet. Or at least a nice set of rims.

• Hermes…Oprah. Oprah…Hermes. The swanky retailer is still reeling from criticism for dissing media giant Oprah Winfrey in France. Merci, merci me. Some snotty store manager refused to sell Oprah a watch. Now she’s going to show them what time it is. At this point, the retailer would probably fling open its doors to peddle a timepiece to Flavor Flav.

• Bill Cosby continues to be a giant pain in the Black ass. The Jell-O king has restarted his nationwide ranting and raving toward low-income minorities. Hey, hey, hey — never mind that Cosby is deflecting attention from his own moral shortcomings. There’s a clever twist to “The Pot Calling The Kettle Black” somewhere in this scenario. Readers, feel free to submit suggestions.

• Critics are already calling Being Bobby Brown a giant disaster. The reality TV series debuts today on the Bravo network. It’s weird to use the word reality in reference to anything associated with Brown. Maybe Bill Cosby will make a cameo appearance to reprimand Bobby and Whitney for their irresponsible lifestyles.

• R. Kelly is currently embroiled in two sex-related legal actions. One case involves videotaping sex acts with a minor. The other involves videotaping sex acts with an unknowing adult. Now this brotha would be a giant success launching a reality TV series.