Essay 132

International/National News: A Swaziland princess held a party with rowdiness and drinking to celebrate the end of a chastity decree. The traditional rite does not call for booze and loud music. So a Swazi official reacted in a proper traditional manner — he beat the princess and her pals with a stick. Meanwhile, the United States Postal Service unveiled more stamps commemorating important events including Civil Rights, Voting Rights and the Freedom Riders. Mexican President Vicente Fox may join the efforts by presenting stamps featuring Memin Pinguin and Little Black Sambo.

Police News: Reports now claim the Texas cops who stopped Al Sharpton’s speeding car had their revolvers drawn. One witness stated the police aimed their guns at Sharpton. Hard to believe these stories — if true, Sharpton would certainly be ranting and rhyming. Meanwhile, community groups in L.A. are demanding the firing of police involved in the incident with Nation of Islam leader Tony Muhammad. Muhammad claims he was kicked in the face after being handcuffed. This all makes Rev. James Meeks’ experience seem downright tame. Or downright typical.

Nazi News: A retired carpenter in Chicago is no longer a U.S. citizen, thanks to a federal judge who determined the man was a former Nazi operative. The judge declared the man worked with Nazis as a member of the Ukrainian Auxiliary Police during World War II, and he entered the country illegally 50 years ago. Meanwhile, the mayor of London is in trouble for comparing a Jewish reporter to a Nazi. The mayor had inquired if the reporter was a “German war criminal” — then he said the reporter was “just like a concentration camp guard. You’re just doing it because you’re paid to, aren’t you?” Sergeant Schultz denied involvement with the carpenter or reporter, firmly insisting, “I know nothiiiiiiiing!”

Medical News: A New Hampshire doctor is being examined for allegedly telling an obese patient that only Black men might be interested in her (the physician claims reading polls showing Black men are attracted to overweight women). According to the woman’s complaint, the doctor told her, “Let’s face it, if your husband were to die tomorrow, who would want you? Well, men might want you, but not the types you want to want you. Might even be a black guy.” Or a Dove brand manager.