Essay 166

Talking shit with MultiCultClassics Minutes…

“Can we all get along?” Apparently, Rodney King can’t get along with his loved ones. He was arrested following a domestic dispute where he allegedly threatened to kill his daughter and girlfriend. He even brandished a pistol, which turned out to be a toy. No word if any of this was caught on videotape.

“It’s true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country, and your crime rate would go down,” said William Bennett. Wonder where that quote might appear in The Book of Virtues or Bennett’s other children’s books. Perhaps the curmudgeon needs to review his own inspirational bullshit.

“Combined with a good economy and continued negative news from the Middle East, that means recruiting in fiscal year 2006 will be challenging,” said an Army official in response to 2005 being the worst recruiting year since about 1979. So why did the Army choose to extend its relationship with Leo Burnett again? If Burnett hopes to reverse the numbers, the company’s staffers may be forced to enlist themselves. Given the rumored low morale at the agency, combat duty in Iraq might seem like a preferable alternative.

“Tool usage in wild apes provides us with valuable insights into the evolution of our own species and the abilities of other species. Seeing it for the first time in gorillas is important on many different levels,” states a report detailing the discovery of gorillas working with tools in the wild. Perhaps the Army should consider gorillas as a new target for recruitment efforts. Or Sears could boost its sagging Craftsman sales.