Essay 211

Boo-yah! It’s Halloween tricks and treats with MultiCultClassics Minutes…

• A report on CBS’ 60 Minutes detailed the new discrimination that employers are legally permitted to display. Specifically, some bosses are firing folks for smoking — even if they’re only puffing cigarettes at home. Others require employees to maintain a certain percentage of body fat. It’s totally legal if you’re living in an “employment at will” state. This is really bad news for obese, Black, female Marlboro addicts.

• Lil’ Kim is making the most of her time in the pen by penning lyrics, creating rhymes about her incarceration. Martha Stewart left prison and went straight to network TV. Lil’ Kim may ultimately turn perjury to platinum.

• Empty Gesture of the Month: In order to address the child obesity epidemic, Kraft Foods will ban some of its own advertising directed at kids. However, the company has no intention of reducing production and sales of its tubby-inducing, food-like offerings. Talk about having your cake and forcing chilluns to eat it too. New tagline suggestion: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese — It’s the Sleaziest!

• Speaking of sleazy, Bill O’Reilly went on a new rant, blasting schools that considered closing during Muslim holidays. “So a Muslim wanted a Muslim holiday, which is absurd in a Judeo-Christian country. I mean, we can’t be having Hindu and Buddha. I mean, come on. I mean, this country is founded on Judeo-Christian traditions,” raved O’Reilly. And exactly which Judeo-Christian tradition was the man following when suggesting obscene uses for a loofa to a former employee?

• After carefully considering minority and female Supreme Court candidates — and even failing in his bid to win approval for Harriet Miers — President Bush settled on an Old White Man. In order to silence critics, Judge Samuel A. Alito Jr. should be required to perform his duties in Blackface and drag.