Essay 288

Sundae treats served up by MultiCultClassics Minutes…

• Uncle Sam wants you — especially if you’re fluent in Arabic. Seems the government has lots of spy tapes that need translating, but not enough spy employees. Plus, there are plenty of covert efforts requiring bilingual experts. The pay is good, with five-figure signing bonuses. But the standards are high and complex. Don’t think a weekend listening to Rosetta Stone recordings will do the trick.

• Uncle Sam sort of wants you — especially if you’re willing to work hard for low wages to rebuild New Orleans. Illegal immigrants continue to flock to the decimated city, but the results are a mixed bag of controversies. The pay sucks, and certain employers really suck. Latinos are a prime target for mistreatment and even getting stiffed for wages. These folks would have an easier time and greater success by learning Arabic.

• Protesters continue to harass retailers like Wal-Mart for wishing customers “Happy Holidays” versus “Merry Christmas.” Fifty folks marched outside a Wal-Mart superstore in California, trying to stop shoppers and initiate boycotts. “It is insulting that Wal-Mart has chosen to ignore the reason for the season,” one religious fanatic argued. “Taking the word ‘Christmas’ out of the holiday implies there’s something sinful about it. ... This is a part of our culture.” Seems the protesters are being extreme in their interpretations, particularly when insisting it’s all “a part of our culture.” Exclusivity has never been the cornerstone of religions espousing positive values and beliefs. Plus, these protesters need to get a grip on reality. Retailers like Wal-Mart are based on servicing large groups of customers. If Wal-Mart started catering to exclusive audiences, they’d go out of business. Then even the protesters would be forced to stampede elsewhere for cheap plasma TVs and sterling silver jewelry.

• Protesting the holidays in New Zealand took a new twist. About 40 mostly drunken men in Santa suits stormed Auckland, robbing stores and fighting security guards. It was all part of an effort dubbed “Santarchy,” an alleged worldwide movement to protest Christmas’ commercialization. Santa Claus is coming to town — and he’s a vandalizing, thieving alcoholic.