Essay 301

‘Twas The MultiCultClassics Minutes Before Christmas…

• Now New Yorkers can spend Christmas with Jesus Christ. Literally. A judge approved for a Manhattan man to officially change his name. The former José Luis Espinal said, “This was not done for any reason other than I am that person. You’re dealing with the real deal.” Mr. Christ claimed he’s spent the last 15 years “doing investigative work — criminal fraud and stuff of that nature,” plus “investigating evil.” Wonder if this guy ever asks, “What would Jesus do?”

• Osama bin Laden’s niece appears in racy photos in the latest issue of GQ. “I want to be accepted here, but I feel that everybody’s judging me and rejecting me,” said the niece. “Come on, where’s the American spirit? Accept me. I want to be embraced, because my values are like yours.” Right, we all aspire to appearing in racy photos in men’s magazines.

• Foxy Brown probably wishes she could be facing Judge Joe Brown. Instead she wound up dealing with — and ultimately irking — a judge in Manhattan Criminal Court. Ms. Brown was in court working out a plea bargain for her infamous cell-phone bashing of nail salon workers over a manicure gone awry. When the judge accused the hip hop diva of chewing gum, Ms. Brown stuck out her tongue to prove her innocence. The judge viewed the response as disrespect, and ordered her to be handcuffed to a bench. Foxy even scuffled with court officers before being shackled. Ms. Brown apologized, but only after being threatened with additional fines and jail time. The trial date is set for January 23. Note to Foxy Brown: 4 out of 5 dentists recommend NOT chewing gum in courtrooms.

• Hip hop star Sadat X staged a pre-Xmas rant, brandishing a loaded pistol at a group of teens in Harlem. After he threatened “to kill everybody,” the rapper was eventually subdued and arrested by cops. Probably just hoping to boost holiday sales of his latest album.

• Representative Tom Tancredo, a Republican from Colorado, has spent the past ten years hollering about immigration — dissing his own party and president along the way. But as the issues continue to grow with the number of illegal immigrants, Tancredo has gone from lunatic to leader. The New York Times spotlights the man who fuels politics with paranoia. Click on the essay title to view the full story.