Essay 383

Signs of the Times with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• In another desperate attempt to deal with illegal immigration, Arizona lawmakers are seeking to arrest folks for trespassing. “I have never heard of anything more ridiculous in my life,” one Arizona mayor said. Past efforts like this have failed, as expanding state trespassing laws can be difficult to enforce and even deemed unconstitutional. Plus, “Keep off the grass” signs could be problematic, given the high number of undocumented workers providing landscaping services.

• Hispanic crooner Luis Miguel was asked to sing a few bars by a Colorado bartender last month. Instead, the singer allegedly punched the man in the face. When presented with the initial request, Miguel apparently replied, “For $1,000.” The bartender responded with, “I wouldn’t give you 50 cents.” About twenty minutes later, the singer’s bodyguard grabbed the bartender while Miguel punched him. Miguel may end up paying the bartender for a request gone awry.

• For the fourth year in a row, Oprah won the top spot for favorite TV personality in the annual Harris Poll. No surprise there. However, leaping from number 8 to a tie for number 4 is the personality-free Bill O’Reilly. Oprah’s ranking shows a lot of Americans still appreciate a bright and positive spirit. O’Reilly’s ranking shows a lot of Americans are mean-spirited assholes.

• A rap video shoot turned into a rap shooting. Busta Rhymes and his crew were fired upon yesterday, and the result was tragic for one group member. A man in charge of guarding Rhymes’ jewelry died from a gunshot wound. Police have arrested no suspects yet, but they believe the shooting involved 50 Cent’s G-Unit posse. Imagine that.

• Michael Jackson took a shot from his ex-wife, who claims the King of Pop owes her over $75,000 in legal fees for their child-custody battle. This could explain why Jackson has recently been spotted wearing women’s clothing. Then again, will there ever be any reasonable explanations for anything involving Jacko?