Essay 395

A MultiCultClassics Monologue Saturday Sequel…

• Busta Rhymes skipped the funeral of his associate killed during a shootout at a rap video production (see Essay 392). Rhymes’ lawyer released a statement sending the rapper’s condolences and calling the shooting victim “one of the rare friends you come across that you can trust with your life.” Then Rhymes and his lawyer continued to blow off the cops’ requests for information regarding the shooting. That’s what friends are for.

• The six-year-old boy accused of sexual harassment received an apology from school officials (see Essay 392). “[School officials] said they learned a lesson, and they said they will go over the rules to change things,” the child’s mother announced. Nonetheless, the mother transferred her son to a new school on Friday. The kid is probably looking for a fresh stable of fillies, if you know what we’re saying.

• “Think small” appears to be the resurrected line at Volkswagon. The automaker announced plans to cut 20,000 jobs over the next three years. The company’s current tagline is, “Drivers wanted.” About 20,000 folks will soon be looking for signs reading, “Help wanted.”

• Republican lawmakers in Ohio proposed a measure to prohibit gays from adopting children. The primary sponsor argues he’s fighting for children, citing studies have shown that youngsters do best in a home where they’re raised by a mother and a father. Has anyone ever produced a study showing the effects of being raised by Republican assholes?

• A woman returning from a Haitian trip was jailed when authorities discovered a human skull in her luggage at Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport. The woman claimed she planned to use the head for Vodou purposes. Unfortunately, customs laws prohibit packing human body parts except for scientific purposes. One more odd note surrounding this story — the woman’s last name is Severe.