Essay 481

Legal battles and other games in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich won his battle to ban junk food in elementary and middle schools (see Essay 479), but his fight to restrict sales of violent and sexually explicit video games was less successful. In fact, the ultimate legal costs — estimated as high as $1 million — may be passed along to taxpayers. Citizens will probably deal with their depression by scarfing Doritos while playing Grand Theft Auto.

• Michael Jackson met the legal deadline for paying $300,000 in back wages to Neverland employees. But then he terminated most of the workers on Thursday. “It is public knowledge that Mr. Jackson currently resides in the Middle Eastern country of Bahrain,” a spokeswoman said. “He therefore decided to close his house and reduce his work force.” Hey, it don't matter if you’re Black or White — except if you’re not in the Black.

• Rev. Jesse Jackson is speaking out about the upcoming elections in New Orleans, demanding that officials halt the process unless measures are taken to accommodate displaced voters. Assistant Atty. Gen. William Moschella conceded, “…The state may well have done more under the circumstances.” Seems like the statement of choice for everyone involved in the Hurricane Katrina response.

• South Park is in an all-out war with Scientologists (see Essay 470), as an episode dissing Tom Cruise was suddenly pulled from the schedule. Rumors claim Cruise demanded the censoring of the show. “So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun!” the cartoon’s creators shot back. “You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail!” Look for the next counterstrike to come from John Travolta.