Essay 533

Firing off another MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• The immigration-inspired rallies have also inspired employers to fire protesting workers (terminated protestor holding her final pay stub pictured above). “I have no problem with the demonstration, but this is a business,” said an employer who zapped workers after warning them that they could not skip work for a rally. “Couldn’t they have protested in the morning before work? Couldn’t they have protested in their hearts?” Yo, taskmaster, couldn’t you have fired them in your heart — provided you have one?

• Police in Detroit charged a man with weapons violations in connection with the shooting death of rapper Proof (see Essay 531). While the details remain sketchy, it appears the man will claim he shot Proof in self-defense after the artist fired at another man. The man’s lawyer, refusing to admit his client shot at all, said, “If anyone discharged the weapon, it was in defense of others or themselves. … If it takes discharging a weapon to save a life, then I find it disturbing that you would be charged with discharging a weapon.” Damn, this guy sounds like he wants to be a rapper.

• Wal-Mart is attempting to get out of the gun-selling business in certain areas. “It’s all based on customer demand,” said a Wal-Mart spokeswoman. “We are trying to be relevant to our customers in each specific community.” The rapper community will probably organize protests.

• Bellevue Community College in Washington State sparked controversy with a math quiz denigrating Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. The questionable question included, “Condoleezza holds a watermelon just over the edge of the roof of the 300-foot Federal Building, and tosses it up with a velocity of 20 feet per second…” President Bush was probably offended by the reference — but completely unable to offer the correct answer.