Essay 584

Calls to action in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Big Brother is not just watching, he’s taking notes too. The National Security Agency has been collecting our phone records via Verizon, BellSouth and AT&T — whether you’re a suspected criminal or not. “It’s the largest database ever assembled in the world,” said one anonymous source. The NSA’s goal is “to create a database of every call ever made” in the country. New advertising taglines include:

Verizon — It’s the Spy Network.

BellSouth — Listening. Answering. Recording.

AT&T — Your world. Delivered. (no change necessary)

• In Baghdad, a Shiite official’s cell phone ringer sparked a brawl in Iraq’s parliament. The ringer played a Shiite religious chant, which angered Sunni representatives and assorted bodyguards. Folks were attacked and beaten, and one lawmaker even admitted to joining the fracas. Wait till they learn the entire phone incident was probably recorded by the NSA.

• A psychologist in Los Angeles filed a class-action lawsuit because he didn’t get a tote bag during a Mother’s Day promotion at an Angels baseball game. The suit complaints include age and sex discrimination, arguing the bags were only given to women 18 and over. The psychologist argues that all male and under-18 fans deserve $4,000 each in damages. Which should allow everyone to buy really nice Prada bags.