Essay 1000

A highly addictive MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Nicotine levels in cigarettes rose an average of about 10 percent between 1998 and 2004. Brands targeting youth and minorities saw the biggest increases. “The reports are stunning,” said the president of the Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids. “What’s critical is the consistency of the increase, which leads to the conclusion that it has to have been conscious and deliberate. … The only way the companies were able to secretly increase nicotine levels without anyone knowing about it is because no federal agency regulates tobacco products.” They’re probably all too busy smoking.

• Britain now reports a new border problem of its own. However, it involves citizens emigrating at record numbers. Over 350,000 people leave the country annually, up nearly 50 percent from a decade ago. They’re probably coming to America, lured by the increased nicotine in cigarettes.

• General Motors has voted itself off the roster of sponsors for “Survivor.” However, the decision was not related to the show’s plan to segregate contestants based on race. The automaker is probably just uncomfortable being associated with the word “survivor,” given their continued inability to compete in the global marketplace.

• The University of Illinois’ Chief Illiniwek is heading into his final season, after which he’ll no longer serve as an official school mascot. It’s all in response to the NCAA’s rulings against symbols deemed “hostile” and “abusive.” Perhaps the Chief is now available to compete in the upcoming “Survivor” program.