Essay 1224

News to digest in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Walt Disney Company has decided to go healthy, planning to introduce new menus at theme parks and change licensing tie-ins. French fries and soda pop will be swapped for vegetables and juice at the parks, while licensing deals will follow specific guidelines based on the healthiness of products. “Sugary things like Lucky Charms and Sugar Frosted Flakes wouldn’t make it,” said a child nutrition expert who teamed with Disney on the new initiatives. “Cheerios and Rice Krispies would.” The Lucky Charms Leprechaun will probably file a discrimination lawsuit.

• Boxer and lunatic Mike Tyson wants to get in the ring against female boxer Ann Wolfe, victor in 17 of her 18 professional fights, 12 by knockout. No word yet if Wolfe will seek fighting advice from Robin Givens.

• California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently apologized for calling Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia a “very hot” Latina. Now Garcia is apologizing for telling a group of high school seniors that she wouldn’t kick the Governor out of bed. However, she also insisted the attacks against her were sexist. “If anyone was offended by the silly questions asked and the joking answers I gave, I sincerely apologize,” said Garcia. “If something truly offensive occurred, why did the adults in the room not stop the discussion … or contact my office in the days following my visit?” They were probably too busy thinking Garcia is very hot.

• Teens are getting into a dance style called “freaking,” and adults are freaking in response. The moves incorporate a lot of provocative grinding and gyrating, leading school officials to complain at homecoming dances and events. “The ‘dancing’ of our youngsters today is one step from events that should be occurring on wedding nights,” a California high school principal emailed to parents. No word yet from Assemblywoman Bonnie Garcia and Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

• The Census Bureau released a study showing married couples are the new minority in America. However, the number of married couples working in advertising still exceeds figures for Blacks and Hispanics.