Essay 1472

A Merry MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Crain’s Chicago Business reported that Mickey D’s is struggling to find an alternative to trans fat oil, particularly with its fries. Earlier test-market results were not good, with customers calling to complain about attempted changes. Mickey D’s may even opt to inform customers of any future revision after it’s been implemented — or maybe not at all. Better keep your eyes on your fries. And Mickey D’s lies.

• Donald Trump is griping again, this time with residents of Palm Beach, Florida, over an American flag at his Mar-a-Lago Club. The town had complained the 15-by-25-foot flag with its 80-foot pole violated zoning codes, and threatened to fine Trump. “You don’t need a permit to put up the American flag,” said Trump last October. “The day you need a permit to put up the American flag, that will be a sad day for this country.” Then he probably went on to argue the flag in question is no larger than Rosie O’Donnell’s underpants.

• Police in Bennington, Vermont issued beer glasses featuring their department logo to local bars and restaurants. The intent is to make people think twice before drinking and driving. “One of the ways we let people know we're out there is through increased visibility,” said a police official. “We don’t want people driving impaired at all.” What’s next — cop logos on bongs and syringes?

• Just in time for the holidays, Michael Jackson has allegedly returned to the United States. Jacko was spotted in Las Vegas, where insiders claim he hopes to revitalize his career. “Vegas is about wild and weird and crazy. If Michael Jackson is going to come back, this could be the place to do it,” said one Las Vegas producer. Looks like Jacko’s found the perfect home.