Essay 4236

Friday Evening News in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Don Imus and CBS are closing in on a settlement that could mean a ton of loot for the fired shock jock. Sources claim CBS might buy out Imus’ original contract—which had $40 million remaining—to avoid litigation. That’s a lot more than the average rapper gets for using derogatory terms to demean women.

• The board chairman at Roger Williams University in Rhode Island resigned after admitting he used the N-word during a trustee meeting. The 80-year-old moron was allegedly bemoaning the hassle of finding minority candidates for the board when he uttered the term. He insists the word “kind of slipped out” and later said in an interview, “I apologized for that. What else can I do? Kill myself?” But wait, there’s more. He claims he’s never spoken the word before and said, “The first time I heard it was on television and then rap music or something.” Talk about playing the Don Imus card. To top it all off, the man now says his resignation is for personal and family-related reasons, and is not tied to his use of the N-word.

• The town of Hazleton in Pennsylvania will have to rethink its tough anti-immigration law, as a federal judge ruled it’s unconstitutional. “The genius of our Constitution is that it provides rights even to those who evoke the least sympathy from the general public,” wrote the judge. “Hazleton, in its zeal to control the presence of a group deemed undesirable, violated the rights of such people, as well as others within the community.” Wonder if any of the town’s legislators are graduates of Roger Williams University.