Essay 4587

Liar, liar in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Sen. Larry Craig announced he’ll file an appeal today in response to a judge nixing his attempt to withdraw the guilty plea in his infamous toilet stall incident. “It is my right to do what I’m doing,” declared Craig. “I’ve already provided for Idaho certainty that Idaho needed—I’m not running for re-election. I’m no longer in the way. I am pursuing my constitutional rights.” Referring to his initial secrecy surrounding the arrest, Craig added, “I didn’t want to embarrass my wife, my kids, Idaho and my friends. … And I wrestled with it a long while. … I should have told my wife. I should have told my kids. And most importantly, I should have told counsel.” It’s somehow fitting that a guy whose career will forever be defined by a toilet stall is so full of shit.

• The lawyer for rapper T.I., who was busted for his alleged involvement in a gun sting (see Essay 4583), insists his client is innocent. “He’s not guilty. There are two sides to every story. We are asking everyone to withhold judgment,” said the lawyer. This guy ought to be working for Sen. Larry Craig.