5720: Dolls And Dummies.

Playing with dolls and dollars in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• A jury ruled the Bratz dolls were conceived while the original designer was still working for Mattel, creator of rival Barbie dolls. The decision could bring millions of dollars in damages to Mattel when the jury huddles during another proceeding. No word if Bratz were actually fashioned after Barbie or the cross-dressing Ken.

• Capital One’s 2Q profits dropped 40 percent, with the credit card company citing customers are defaulting on their loans. Look for Capital One to boost your APR to 40 percent. What’s in your wallet? The hands of Capital One’s collection department.

• Qantas Airlines is dumping 1,500 jobs, citing rising fuel costs. So 1,500 people will join the koala bear in expressing hate for Qantas.

• An employee with 1-800-Flowers was fired after sending a threatening email from her work computer. The worker sought to stifle a University of Minnesota professor who criticized the teaching of creationism. “You have two choices, you can quit your job for the good of the children. Or you can get your brains beat in,” read the email. The employee tried to cover her email trail to no avail, as 1-800-Flowers ultimately canned her. No word if anyone sent a “Pick-Me-Up” bouquet—or if they’ll introduce a new service: 1-800-DeathThreats.

• Bill Clinton sought to support Jesse Jackson over his recent nutty gaffe. Clinton remarked, “If all of us lived on live mics, then 100% of us in this room would be embarrassed from time to time.” Sounds like the makings for a new reality TV series: Hot Mics.