5827: The Cartoon Lady Doth Protest Too Much.

Complaining about the news in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Protestors wearing character costumes were arrested at Disneyland. The group was protesting Disney’s treatment of hotel workers, arguing for the health care benefits of 2,300 maids, bellhops, cooks and dishwashers. “Disneyland is being unfair with us because we’re fighting for our health care and they’re trying to take it away,” said one participant. “They’re trying to cut our hours and take away our seniority.” The protestors better hope the Disney negotiators don’t include all the evil queens and stepmothers.

• Now Jerry Lewis claims the gun cops found in his luggage at the Las Vegas airport last month was just a gift presented to him after the last Muscular Dystrophy Association telethon. Gee, and you thought Jerry’s Kids preferred receiving cash donations.

• Jackson Browne is suing John McCain for using his song, “Running On Empty,” without permission. McCain’s campaign created a commercial criticizing rival Barack Obama, and the tune was playing in the background. Browne joins ABBA and John Mellencamp, who also had to tell McCain to stop using their work in his campaigns. Maybe they can team up to create a music video blasting the Arizona senator.

• J.C. Penney 2Q profits dropped 36 percent. Walmart 2Q profits rose 17 percent. Limited Too has a limited time remaining in the U.S. market, as the retailer’s parent company plans to convert about 600 stores to its lower-priced Justice brand. That’s Too bad. Or maybe it’s Justice. Sorry, there are only Limited gags to milk from these news items.