Sunday, March 13, 2005

Essay Eight

Yo, I’ve got a killer concept for a new reality tv show that’s sure to draw the interest of mega-producer Mark Burnett. And if Burnett takes a pass, I’ll definitely sell it to BET.

The working title is: Da Apprentice.

Here’s the lowdown. Ethnic Advertising Legend Thomas Burrell assumes the Trump-like role. To keep things interesting—plus inject crossover appeal and sex appeal—Burrell will team up with Wayne Brady and Omorosa.

The contestants will be comprised of the top non-Black gurus of the advertising industry: Alex Bogusky, Lee Clow, Jeff Goodby, Rich Silverstein, Donny Deutsch and more.

Every week, these players will try to create campaigns targeting African American consumers. Drama and hijinks abound when they must perform under the same conditions as the professionals employed at typical ethnic advertising agencies.

The corporate obstacle course starts with insufficient research and outdated consumer insights. Concepts must be developed under shorter timelines with fewer resources. As always, the compensation and production budgets will be significantly less than the industry norms. Plus, cameo appearances by Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton will keep everyone on edge.

The contestants must also present their ideas to clueless, conservative clients who will ask, “What’s Black about it?” while requesting revisions with more “cultural relevance.” Automatic rejections will go to anything that doesn’t prominently feature a family reunion, barbecue, gospel choir, graduation, graffiti, sassy grandma, jazz band, double dutch, Kwanzaa, barbershop, dancers, disc jockey, dreadlocks/afros/braids, basketball, Black celebrities, pimped ride, hip-hop or the word “style.” In addition, the clients will demand the use of minority suppliers in order to meet company quotas.

Burrell, Brady and Omorosa will judge the finished projects, regularly firing the weakest performers in a boardroom filled with Afrocentric artwork. Burrell’s termination catchphrase could be something like, “You’re jive.”

The surviving contestant wins a year-long internship at an ethnic advertising agency and a free subscription to Jet magazine.

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