Essay 522

Going Dutch with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• The Dutch have developed a way to help potential immigrants — especially Muslims — decide whether or not to apply for residency. The “test” involves viewing a DVD featuring the typical Dutch lifestyle, including images of topless women and gay men kissing. The intent is to communicate that the country has a very liberal culture, and the easily offended must be willing to handle things or stay away. “It’s like the warning label on the cigarette packs. … It’s not very subtle, but it prepares people for what they will find in this country,” a city official said. “If you want to live here, you have to accept that girls are allowed to wear miniskirts and can stay out until 3 in the morning. You don’t have to behave this way yourself, but you have to tolerate it.” The DVD could probably also be used to attract male tourists.

• A Massachusetts prison official has been punished for showing “Brokeback Mountain” to inmates at the state’s biggest prison. The prison’s new nickname is “Brokebitch Mountain.” And next month, the warden plans to show the Dutch immigration DVD.

• Eminem is facing off in another battle. But this time, the competitor is his estranged wife. Kim Mathers went live on a radio show to diss Slim Shady. “He’s having problems with, you know, his problem that he had,” she said, referring to the rapper’s prescription drug addiction. “Right after he came home from his rehab, we started to have a few problems, and I thought it was going to be in our best interest to delay the [second] wedding. But he really pushed it and I thought it was really going to be something that worked this time.” Eminem countered with, “Her allegations regarding my status post-rehab are both untrue and unfortunate. … She was aware that I was filing for divorce. We both tried to give our marriage another chance and quickly realized that a wedding doesn’t fix the underlying problems.” Here’s some advice to the Mathers: Lose yourself — from the public eye, please.

• A recent AP-Ipsos poll showed immigration is rising fast among the biggest problems facing the nation. The wars in Iraq and abroad held the top spot at 19 percent. The economy remains number two at 14 percent. Immigration came in at 13 percent, up from barely 4 percent in January. No word on Eminem’s ranking among the nation’s biggest problems.