Essay Thirty-Two

MultiCultClassics Minutes with the honorable Judge Mathis presiding:

• R. Kelly is next in line for a celebrity courtroom drama. In case you missed the video — which probably won’t be playing anytime soon on BET — Kelly faces child pornography charges for allegedly having sex with an underage girl in 2002. Lawyers predict a July trial date. Does it seem like these judicial performances are actually scheduled by Court TV and other media outlets?

• Once NBA players finish battling on the hardwood courts this season, a select few will appear in legal courts to face charges stemming from the infamous melee at a Detroit Pistons-Indiana Pacers game. Not sure how it will play out, but Ron Artest could easily employ an insanity defense.

• Justice delayed is justice denied — or perhaps just business as usual for Bank of America. Chicago City Council member Dorothy Tillman, a champion of slave reparations, charges a predecessor bank affiliated with Bank of America profited from the slave trade. For now, Bank of America is disputing Tillman’s accusations, even hiring a researcher to investigate. The bank’s current slogan is, “Higher Standards.” Time will tell.

• The incident involving Florida police handcuffing a sassy 5-year-old has officially become a race issue. A group of Black leaders are now urging authorities to punish the officers (who happen to be White). Perhaps the cops will be forced to sit in the corner wearing dunce caps — plus write the following phrase one hundred times on the chalkboard: It’s not nice to use excessive force on kindergarten kids.

• Sunday was Judgment Day for Oklahoma University baseball coach Larry Cochell, who resigned after causing trouble with racist remarks. During interviews with ESPN, Cochell praised a black outfielder — using the N-Word! His quotes about the athlete included, “There’s no nigger in him.” Cochell went on to observe, “There are honkies and white people. And there are niggers and black people. [The outfielder] is a good black kid.” Based on his own observations, Cochell appears to be a honky. In his resignation letter, the ex-coach wrote, “…my careless use of language did not reflect my own values…” We’ll be the judge of that, Mr. Cochell.