Essay 242

Neil French is now sobbing that he was misquoted and even set up.

Yes, that’s exactly what happened. Those cunning Canadians plotted his demise, masterminding an elaborate scheme behind the façade of an entertaining evening. The French maid serving drinks — which were laced with truth serum — was actually an undercover operative in cahoots with Nancy Vonk. In fact, Vonk and the maid are secret lesbian lovers and Russian spies. The audience consisted of Adbusters subscribers, intent on tearing down the mighty advertising business. And what better way to accomplish such an evil objective than to ambush a revered industry icon? Bravo, Mr. French, for employing your uncanny powers of deduction to ultimately expose the insidious conspiracy.

(SFX: Mission Impossible theme music)

For more sordid details of additional crimes against Neil French, click on the essay title.