5066: The Madison Avenue Mea Culpa.

In recent years, we’ve witnessed a bunch of symbolic and official apologies. Certain German and Austrian churches apologized for Holocaust actions. In the U.S., a handful of states have apologized for slavery. Australia announced plans to apologize for offenses against Aborigines. In addition, we’ve heard statements of regret from folks like Michael Richards, Don Imus and Isaiah Washington.

Maybe the moment has come for the advertising industry to apologize for its history of institutionalized discrimination. In the spirit of healing, MultiCultClassics presents the following declaration:

The Madison Avenue Mea Culpa

Dear Afro-Americans, Latins, Orientals, Indians, Homosexuals, Handicappers and Other Assorted Minorities,

We are sincerely sorry for countless decades of corporate apartheid and naughtiness. Please forgive the constant cultural cluelessness and potentially illegal efforts to exclude you from The Club. While we have strived to help you make strides in areas including administrative assistance, reception, delivery services, security and janitorial functions, we realize there is still much to accomplish.

We pledge to embrace diversity, which we’re told is not just something that reduces protests from Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton, but also makes good business sense. We did not know that. Thanks, it’s great information to have.

We vow to hire as many of you people as possible, especially if our agencies are launching multicultural divisions.

Try overlooking our past failures to honor promises with organizations like New York City’s Commission on Human Rights. We really are working on the issues. It’s just been super busy—and figuring out this confusing digital and computer stuff has taken up so much time and energy.

Finally, we look forward to having a dream that one day in the offices of Madison Avenue the sons of former mailroom attendants and the sons of former agency owners will be able to sit down together at the conference table of brotherhood—where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their award-winning, new media portfolio.

Perhaps freshly anointed 4As CEO Nancy Hill could read the manifesto at a gala gathering attended by New York City’s Commission on Human Rights, Sanford Moore and Steve Biegel.