5195: Tripp The Bird.

Tripping out in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Pro golfer Tripp Isenhour is tripping after killing a hawk during the filming of a TV show. Seems the wild bird was making noise, so the golfer proceeded to hit balls at it. Reports indicate Isenhour fired at least six times before striking the hawk with a kill shot to the head. “As soon as this happened, I was mortified and extremely upset and continue to be upset,” said the golfer. “I want to let everyone know there was neither any malice nor deliberate intent whatsoever to hit or harm the hawk. I was trying to simply scare it into flying away.” The Humane Society isn’t buying it, demanding that the PGA act. Isenhour has been charged with cruelty to animals and killing a migratory bird, which could lead to 14 months in jail and $1,500 in fines. The golfer also issued a statement that read, “We ask that everyone accept my sincerest apology, and please be respectful of my family’s privacy.” Somebody send the jerk a parrot to screech, “Fore!—teen months in the slammer!”

• Officials in the Indian city of Kashmir halted plans to kill 100,000 dogs for its anti-rabies program after protests from animal groups. Instead, they’ll invite Tripp Isenhour to visit with a shitload of golf balls.

• U.S. employers cut 63,000 jobs in February, the most in the last five years. Guess it’s just another Black History Month moment.