Essay Ninety

Across the nation and around the world with MultiCultClassics Minutes…

• A Utah woman has won the right to a vanity license plate reading GAYSROK (may translate to “gays are ok” or “gays rock”), thanks to a judge’s ruling. Not sure why this even went to court. No word yet on pending cases for DYKESRULE or ILUVANAL.

• Oklahoman and American Idol champion Carrie Underwood was voted the World’s Sexiest Vegetarian in a poll conducted by PETA. Yet Underwood did put aside her healthy eating stance to appear in a TV commercial where she literally sings the praises of KitKat bars while sporting t-shirts with various candy bar logos. Gimme a break.

• The Chicago City Council approved a deal to work with Morgan Stanley and LaSalle Bank, despite Ald. Dorothy Tillman’s contention the two financial institutions should be barred because of their alleged past ties to slavery. The ultimate council debate included a White member quoting from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., telling the committee, “His dream was that, ‘One day, in the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave-owners will be able to sit down together in a table of brotherhood.’” Was the alderman implying the non-Black council members have past ties to slavery?

• Black cops in Boston are charging a screening method for drug tests — which uses hair samples to determine drug use — is racially biased. The cops were terminated after failing the tests. Their lawyer argues Black hair and Black hair care products can yield false results. So the next time someone says your ‘do is dope…

• A Kenyan man has a mad cow crush on Chelsea Clinton, offering President Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Yo, bro, she’s not even close to being worth 40 goats and 20 cows.