Essay 133

Official MultiCultClassics Minutes…

• Orange County officials officially apologized for scheduling a special primary during a special Jewish holiday (see Essay 116). The apology includes offering early voting at synagogues and city halls. But others are attempting to create a bill that will allow Governor Schwarzenegger to pick an entirely new date. Schwarzenegger is rumored to be leaning toward moving the election to December 25. Just kidding.

• LAPD officials officially declined to apologize for actions involving Nation of Islam leader Tony Muhammad. Muhammad claimed he was kicked in the face after being handcuffed. The LAPD denied the charges. Guess the cops kicked Muhammad’s face before cuffing him. But only after failed attempts to kick him in the groin. Just kidding.

• London subway system officials officially banned Jerry Hall’s ads for her new reality show. The show has Hall seeking a younger boy toy from a stable of 12 studs — with the “winner” nabbing a six-figure wad of loot. The posters for the program depicted Hall with half-naked men wearing leashes. The subway system has a rule prohibiting images of people as sex objects. However, it’s OK for Londoners to engage in sex acts in the subways. Just kidding.

• No official apologies are necessary in a case of alleged police abuse in New York. A prisoner in Queens claimed cops roughed him up following his arrest. But a video camera showed the prisoner deliberately slammed his own head against a cell wall to create the injuries. The videotape captured cops urging the prisoner to stop, warning him, “You’re going to knock yourself out.” “I want to knock myself out and blame it on you guys,” the prisoner responded. Hope the judge inevitably pummels the prisoner with his gavel. Not kidding.

• The issue of media bias has officially risen along with the waters in New Orleans. Blacks are depicted looting stores. Whites are depicted looking for food. Only in America does a natural disaster become a racial disaster. Look for the aid concerts to be broadcast exclusively on BET.