Essay 136

Mickey D’s implored consumers to “keep your eyes on your fries.” Now the tagline is downright prophetic.

For starters, McDonald’s is still embroiled — maybe deep-fried is the appropriate term — in lawsuits involving its World-Famous Fries. The fast-food dinosaur has not met the legally mandated deadline to change the cooking oil of its product, which contains notorious trans fatty acids. Mickey D’s excuse? They’re having trouble finding an alternative that tastes as good. Please. Since when has taste ever motivated a decision at The Golden Arches?

A California judge ordered Mickey D’s to pay $8.5 million to school the public on the fat it uses. The American Heart Association will receive $7 million for educational programs about trans fatty acids. McDonald’s will use the remaining $1.5 million to announce its failure to meet the deadline. While substantial, the amount is not very much for Mickey D’s. Significantly more loot was spent promoting the McGriddles® sandwich. Additionally, the last time McDonald’s produced public service announcements on this topic, legalese-filled print ads were discreetly placed in publications (see Essay 25).

The judge should have forced the company to create a McDonaldland character as part of the settlement. McTransFattyAcid would be a friendly muppet who encourages the rest of the gang to undergo biopsies.

Recent medical studies found a potential link between french fries and breast cancer. The suspected culprits for the problems are none other than trans fatty acids. Better think twice about handing your kids that Happy Meal, folks. Children could probably benefit more from ingesting the toy surprise versus the fries.

California Attorney General Bill Lockyer is taking the game to another level. Lockyer wants to place warning labels on potato chips and french fries. The warnings would alert consumers to the presence of acrylamide in chips and fries, a chemical thought to cause cancer. Imagine a label similar to the Surgeon General’s warnings currently on cigarette packages and advertising. There certainly are eerie parallels between Big Tobacco and Big Macs.

Mickey D’s doesn’t appear too fazed by the bad press. Indeed, the corporate leaders in Oak Brook are laughing all the way to the bank, as sales figures continue to rise with America’s collective blood pressure.

Makes you wonder what to do when the rude order taker barks, “Would you like fries with that?”