Essay 309

Late-breaking MultiCultClassics Minutes…

• General Motors is assembling a committee to figure out why its Black-owned dealerships are less successful than other minority dealerships. About 70% of GM’s Black-owned dealerships are profitable versus nearly 82% of GM’s other dealerships. Wonder why the automaker isn’t more concerned that nearly 20% of its dealerships are not profitable. Regardless, here’s a thought that might make the new committee unnecessary: Black folks realize GM cars are inferior pieces of shit.

• Movie theaters are mulling over new tactics to deal with annoying cell phones and cell phone conversations. Initial concepts include ushers that are more intimidating and technology to block cell phone signals. Heaven forbid anyone might consider producing films that don’t inspire folks to hold phone conversations in the first place. Also, if the theaters insist on running the annoying cell phone ads — including other really dull commercials — can they at least lower ticket prices or sell a box of Jujubes for under $20? Then again, if the signal blocker idea flies, it would be cool to shoot a commercial where the Verizon guy walks into a theater and says, “Can you hear me now? Hello? Hello? Is anyone there? Yoo-hooo! Can you hear me now, dammit?!”

• Celebrity couple Tony Parker and Eva Longoria created a controversy during a recent traffic stop. As the officer wrote citations, Ms. Longoria allegedly threw a tantrum and hollered, “He’s just a Mexican bike cop. He only wants your autograph.” Longoria denied making the remark and stated, “It’s a shame that one officer conducted himself in such an inappropriate and disorderly manner. I never made any sort of racial slurs, let alone made any comments about the officer being Mexican, as a Mexican myself.” Nah, can’t imagine Diva — uh, Eva — would ever make such a comment.