Essay 310

A busy Wednesday with MultiCultClassics Minutes…

• Now reports claim Oprah’s plane wasn’t hit by a bird after all. Rather, it appeared to be simple wear and tear that cracked the windshield of the media queen’s jet. This is great news for all concerned Audubon enthusiasts.

• Time to make the funeral arrangements. Michael Vale, the terrific comic actor who portrayed the baker in Dunkin’ Donuts commercials, died Saturday at age 83. Vale’s career included stints on Broadway, films, television and over 1,300 commercials.

• There’s a growing initiative in the auto industry based on the growing asses of consumers. Carmakers are making car seats larger to accommodate the ever-fattening American public. Does anyone see a connection between this trend and the popularity of drive-thru service at fast food restaurants?

• A story in The Miami Herald says, “María Elvira Salazar changed the nature of South Florida’s prime-time Spanish-language television.” But the popular talk show host is leaving the air, as her program will end on Saturday. A change in station ownership resulted in a total format change. For now, Salazar can still be heard on her daily radio show — and she is currently working on new TV opportunities. Hasta la vista, baby.

• In Mexico, Coca-Cola and Pepsi are feeling the heat from a competitor with no big-budget advertising, fancy trucks or sweeping product lines. In fact, the competitor is ridiculously and literally cheap. Ajegroup’s flagship soft drink Big Cola sells for as low as 86¢ for 3.3 liters. “Half the population of Mexico is poor,” said an Ajegroup spokesman. “For us, that was an opportunity.” For Coca-Cola and Pepsi, that was incentive for lowering prices to compete. Can’t beat the real cheap thing.

• Marriott Hotels is announcing to over 200,000 people that their personal data is missing from the hotel chain’s computer files. The people include employees, timeshare owners and specific timeshare customers. Marriott’s rate guarantee program is titled, “Look No Further.” Hope somebody starts looking a lot further for that damned personal data.

• Disabled commuters in Maryland settled a federal lawsuit against the state’s public transportation system (Maryland Transit Administration). The suit was not seeking monetary damages; rather, folks simply demanded service improvements. The settlement includes having the MTA hire a consultant to review services and draft recommendations. The consultant will also confer with a committee of disable riders. The MTA has managed to show marked improvements since the lawsuit was filed in 2003 — with rider complaints being cut nearly in half. So maybe they’re halfway there already.

• The New York Times reported the city’s teachers’ union has charged the Department of Education with age bias. The union accused officials of a “discriminatory pattern and practice of coercing, threatening and harassing teachers over 40 years of age to ‘encourage’ those teachers to leave their assigned schools.” Welcome back, Kotter — unless you’re a Baby Boomer.

• MacArthur Airport on Long Island evacuated a terminal when a security screener mistook an Xbox 360 for a bomb. Yo, it’s da bomb — but it’s not a threat to passengers.

• Two men were arrested for trying to extort Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony for $1 million — for the couple’s stolen wedding video. The video had been on Marc Anthony’s laptop, which was lifted last October. The alleged extortionists threatened to sell the video to Access Hollywood. Can’t even think of a smart-ass remark for this one.