Essay 347

The MultiCultClassics Monologue presents news from the plantation and more…

• Senator Barack Obama defended Hillary Clinton’s “plantation” remark (see Essay 344). “There’s been a consolidation of power by the Republican Congress and this White House in which, if you are the ordinary voter, you don’t have access,” Obama said. “That should be a concern for all of us.” House Speaker Dennis Hastert countered with, “I’ve never run a plantation before … I’m not even sure what kind of, you know, association [Clinton was] trying to make. If she’s trying to be racist, I think that’s unfortunate.” This whole fucking conversation is becoming unfortunate.

• A U.S. District Judge sentenced the man seeking to extort $20,000 from recording artist DeLeon Richards and her husband, New York Yankees player Gary Sheffield. The convicted extortionist had threatened to publicize a sex video starring Richards and R&B star R. Kelly. Now the felon will serve a two-year prison term. Which is probably two years longer than what R. Kelly will serve for his infamous sex video.

• A high school student in suburban Illinois was expelled for creating “ganglike” doodles in his notebook. The drawing featured the initials D.L.K., embellished with spider webs, a crown and assorted symbols. School officials believed the letters stood for “Disciples Latin King.” However, the kid’s real name is Derek Leon Kelly. “He was doodling on his own paper,” the student’s mother said. “He didn’t do it to hurt or intimidate or offend anyone.” Guess the school officials are easily hurt, intimidated or offended.

• Consumer groups are going after Kellogg and Nickelodeon for unfair and untruthful “marketing and sale of food of poor nutritional quality” to kids under 8 years old — slapping the food company and network with a $2 billion lawsuit. No word yet if Tony the Tiger and SpongeBob SquarePants will be offering testimony for the defense.

• A consumer group halted its lawsuit against soft drink companies allegedly practicing unfair and untruthful marketing towards school kids. Instead, the group will open talks with Pepsi and Coca-Cola. No word yet if Miles Thirst will be negotiating on behalf of Sprite.

• A Montana-Wyoming tribal group rejected a $111,000 donation from a senator, insisting the money was dirty because it’s tied to lobbyist Jack Abramoff. No word yet if Tonto will agree to accept the cash.

• The Source founder David Mays and president-rapper Ray “Benzino” Scott were ousted from their positions by a new board of directors. No word yet if anyone really cares.