6329: Short Circuits.

Going-Out-Of-Business News in a MultiCultClassics Monologue...

• Circuit City could go out of business by Friday if a buyer doesn’t emerge from at least two currently interested parties. Let’s hope the potential buyers aren’t receiving sales pitches from Circuit City employees.

• Boeing announced plans to dump 4,500 jobs in 2009. The president and Chief Executive Officer of Boeing Commercial Airplanes segment said, “We are taking prudent actions to make sure Boeing remains well positioned in today’s difficult economic environment.” Gee, that should comfort the 4,500 people about to become not-so-well-positioned in today’s difficult economic environment.

• General Mills reported 2Q profits dropped 3 percent. Better eat your Wheaties.

• Talks are underway to merge Citigroup’s Smith Barney and Morgan Stanley. Is anyone even paying attention to all the mergers anymore? You could combine Barney Fife with Stanley Laurel and no one would care.

5389: Golden Parachutes And Arches.

Flying high in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• United Airlines announced plans to cut 500 managerial jobs and 600 union jobs after reporting it lost $542 million in 1Q. United lost lots of travelers’ luggage too.

• Boeing recorded a 38 percent jump in 1Q profits. How come all the airlines are tanking, but the airplane maker is flying high?

• Mickey D’s reported a 24 percent increase in 1Q profits. It’s actually good that the airlines are failing, because thanks to McDonald’s, most Americans can no longer fit into airplane seats anyways.