5410: Worlds Gone Wild.

Exposing deals in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Ashley Alexandra Dupre, the call girl linked to former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, is suing Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis for $10 million. Dupre is charging Francis with using her image to sell videos, even though she allegedly permitted Francis to film her in 2003. Perhaps this will inspire a spinoff series: When Call Girls Attack.

• The Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company, the maker of assorted gums, and Mars, the maker of M&Ms and more, announced plans to merge the companies. “Bringing together these iconic, world-class companies combines Wrigley’s strengths with the deep resources and proven brand-building savvy of Mars and will result in a powerful force for innovation and growth in the global confectionery marketplace,” said Warren Buffett, whose company will provide funding for Mars. Um, what are Wrigley’s strengths—the Doublemint Twins?

• General Motors announced plans to dump 3,500 workers because of lousy sales with pickup trucks and SUVs. A GM executive said, “With rising fuel prices, a softening economy and a downward trend on current and future market demand for full-size trucks, a significant adjustment was needed to align our production with market realities.” Since when has GM been in touch with reality?

5252: Service With A Smile.

Daily Serving of Nonsense in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Now New York Governor David Paterson admits he may have improperly used campaign funds to pay for a tryst with an ex-girlfriend, listing the expenditure as “constituent services.” Wonder how former Governor Eliot Spitzer labeled his encounters in expense reports.

• A new study shows a happy marriage can lead to good blood pressure. Has anyone conducted blood pressure checks for former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer and Governor David Paterson?

• Hold off on ordering the Girls Gone Wild video featuring Spitzer’s girlfriend Ashley Dupré. Seems the lass was only 17 when the original taping took place. Dupré’s lawyer said, “It was because she was underage that [Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis] sent her home on a Greyhound bus back to North Carolina. It would be outrageous at the very least to play the video of an underage female on the Internet.” Oh, heaven forbid.

• Delta Air Lines plans to offer voluntary severance payouts to 30,000 employees—over half of its total work force. Which means that passengers will have significantly fewer idiots to complain to about the lousy service.

• The Rev. Al Sharpton wants the NFL to cancel its Hall of Fame game scheduled to take place in Ohio on August 3—in order to protest the alleged police misconduct in Canton. The game is slated to pit the Indianapolis Colts against the Washington Redskins. Actually, it might be more interesting to pit the NFL players against the violent and bruising Canton cops.

5245: Men Behaving Badly.

Bad Boys in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis initially offered Eliot Spitzer’s girlfriend Ashley Dupré $1 million to appear in a video, but pulled the deal when he realized he already had footage of the infamous woman. Dupre had apparently appeared in Girls Gone Wild material five years ago. “We have some really great footage of Ashley,” said Francis. “There’s a very good shower scene that alone is worth the money. … [She was] a total ‘GGW’ groupie. She was really into girl-on-girl action and she was all over the guys, too.” Eliot Spitzer has probably pre-ordered the re-release videos.

• Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick nixed a City Council call for his resignation. “You take a whole day to discuss an issue like this,” said Kilpatrick. “My reaction is: This is over. It has no effect. It’s not binding. Let’s get back to work.” He then probably had dinner with Senator Larry Craig and Eliot Spitzer.

• Busta Rhymes was sentenced to three years’ probation for beating up a former driver and a fan. The rapper will also perform 10 days of community service, pay a $1,250 fine and participate in a drunken driving program. Rhymes insisted the sentence won’t be a challenge and declared, “I have no trouble being a good dude because that’s what I am.” Dude.