Monday, October 15, 2007

Essay 4586

It would be great if the advertising industry would go green for one day. No, not green as in showing concern for the environment. Rather, each agency should show concern for their work environment by hiring some green people.

Now please don’t trot out the tired excuses for excluding green people:

“We just don’t get any resumes from green people.”

“Green people aren’t interested in our business.”

“I’m not hiring someone just because they’re green.”

“There are no green people in my area.”

“You green people should work in green agencies.”

“Why should I lower my standards to satisfy a green quota?”

“I’m sick of Jesse Jackson’s green people shakedown tactics.”

Most agency executives grudgingly admit they could improve in the area of green people recruitment. The typical Madison Avenue shop is quick to list Black security personnel and Latino janitors as officers of the company in the hopes of fooling New York City’s Commission on Human Rights. Yet there is little attempt to conceal the appalling lack of green people on agency rosters. The blatant bias and exclusivity must end.

For those who whine that there are too few green people available, MultiCultClassics presents a cornucopia of qualified candidates.

The Jolly Green Giant has actually been involved in the advertising business for decades. Making a transition to the agency side would be natural. Of course, Mad Ave executives might discriminate based on his age—plus, the fact that he’d require an enormous cubicle.

The Geico Gecko is another insider worth tapping. His foreign accent makes him highly attractive to Mad Ave shops seeking global mystique.

Mr. Mucus of Mucinex fame is disgusting and slimy—satisfying the key criteria for account directors.

Yoda exhibits the smarts to make a brilliant strategist and planner.

The Green Hornet has the right wardrobe. And his sidekick Kato boosts your Asian quota.

Hit the diversity jackpot with She-Hulk. She’s green and a woman.

The Green Lantern is even better. He’s green and he’s Black.

As one can clearly see, there are plenty of green people capable and ready to join the ranks on Madison Avenue. For that matter, there’s an abundance of other minorities too. It just takes a little creativity to identify them.


Anonymous said...

We’ll need a new classification. Martian Americans?

You know, that’s a pretty good book for, you know, a green guy.

Nice copy, but, can you make it sound a little more green?

HustleKnocker said...

you should frame this one. this is genius!

HustleKnocker said...

The Green party...

the only color that matters in business is green right?

Franklin said...

"We don't see color here."

RFB said...

Some of my best friends are green.