6204: Downsizings, Detentions And Disorders.

Monday Night MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• JPMorgan Chase & Co. declared it will cut 9,200 Washington Mutual jobs. No word if they’ll also change the “Whoo hoo!” tagline to WTF.

• The ex-aide / ex-girlfriend to ex-Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick will serve 4 months in prison after pleading guilty to obstruction of justice. She also received five years of probation and must pay restitution to the city. No word if the restitution includes text message cell phone charges.

• A new study showed 1 in 5 young adults has a personality disorder. Yet none of them are as screwed up as JPMorgan Chase & Co. honchos or ex-Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick.

5987: Whoo Hoo! We’re Screwed!

Depositing the news in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Washington Mutual was seized by the Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. and sold to JPMorgan Chase & Co., making WaMu the biggest bank to fail in the nation’s history. “For all depositors and other customers of Washington Mutual Bank, this is simply a combination of two banks,” said the FDIC Chairman. “For bank customers, it will be a seamless transition. There will be no interruption in services and bank customers should expect business as usual come Friday morning.” Whoo Hoo!

• HSBC Holding PLC, Europe’s biggest bank by market value, announced plans to cut 1,100 jobs worldwide. “We’ve taken the action because of the current market conditions, the economic environment and our cautious outlook of 2009,” said an HSBC spokesman. So that’s one less potential employer for any WaMu workers about to get axed.