Essay 176

You couldn’t make up these MultiCultClassics Minutes…

• The story involving the 64-year-old Black man beaten by New Orleans cops keeps getting better. The cops insisted the old man was intoxicated and resisted arrest. The man, who happens to be a retired schoolteacher, contended he was simply out buying cigarettes when the officers attacked. “I haven’t had a drink in 25 years,” the old man claimed. But he was plenty punch drunk after the cops finished pummeling him.

• Could somebody please explain why Dove flaunts its Real Beauty campaign at every opportunity imaginable — yet goes back to using idealized supermodels for its shampoo commercial? Oh, wait a minute. It’s because Dove’s Real Beauty campaign is total bullshit. Got it.

• Republican Party Chairman Ken Mehlman tried to lure Black voters in Waterbury, Connecticut. Meanwhile, President Bush revisited the water-buried in New Orleans. At this point, the only Black votes the GOP can count on will come from Condi and Clarence.

• The Black Holocaust Museum in Milwaukee is having serious financial problems. Here’s a novel suggestion: let’s fund the place with reparations money.

• Illegal immigrants are seeking legal divorces at an alarming rate. Guess it’s all just part of the U.S. assimilation process. Come to America for a better life — and a better wife.

• Louis Farrakhan is hoping to show a more inclusive spirit with the upcoming Million More Movement. Building on the concept behind the 1995 Million Man March, the new event invites participation from Latinos, Native Americans, women and gays. Add Jews and Whites, and you’d have the complete collection of groups that Farrakhan has alienated over the years.

• A new anti-war commercial by UNICEF depicting Smurfs being killed by bombs is now running on Belgian television. Pool-out spots will probably show Care Bears as chemical warfare victims and Teletubbies being tortured in U.S. prisoner camps.