Essay 1811

Making a killing with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Comic book icon Captain America is dead. In a special issue hitting the stands today, a sniper kills Cap as he’s leaving a courthouse. Talk about anti-American sentiments.

• As America continues to struggle with obesity problems, Mickey D’s is introducing a larger, higher-end burger in test markets. The new Angus Third Pounder is the biggest burger on the menu. Isn’t this the equivalent of Big Tobacco launching a larger cigarette with more tar and nicotine?

• Three high school girls in New York were suspended for saying the word “vagina” — during a reading from The Vagina Monologues. Some parents protested the suspension as “a blatant attempt at censorship.” But the school principal insisted the girls were reprimanded because they disobeyed orders versus using the word. What a hard-assed dick.

• A radio station fronted the loot to get Bobby Brown out of jail (see Essay 1776), but the deal fell apart once the star was released. Washington’s Hot 99.5 FM paid nearly $20,000, thinking the gesture would land the station an exclusive interview. But Brown immediately backed out of the deal on the air. “We thought we clearly communicated to Bobby our intentions, but once we had him on the air this morning it was clear that we were not on the same page,” said a station personality. Brown’s lawyer said the artist will repay the station. Probably after he pays all his other delinquent bills.