12207: Delayed WTF 30—McHateworthy.

MultiCultClassics is often occupied with real work. As a result, a handful of events occur without the expected blog commentary. This limited series—Delayed WTF—seeks to make belated amends for the absence of malice.

The Wall Street Journal reported Mickey D’s is launching a new campaign with the slogan “Lovin’ Beats Hatin’”—which apparently “aims to spread happiness in the face of Internet hate.” Leo Burnett, a White advertising agency that rightly receives a fair share of Internet hate, allegedly hatched the concept. It’s not fair to judge the campaign based on a slogan and 10-word descriptor, but in the spirit of Internet hating, it seems appropriate to rip the shit anyway.

For starters, Burnett doesn’t know anything about the Internet, so it’s scary that the hackneyed shop would integrate it into a concept. Additionally, criticizing online haters only makes one look outdated and out of touch.

Within days of the initial news of the lame slogan—which garnered immediate ridicule from every card-carrying member of the Hater Universe—Businessweek reported Mickey D’s was backpedaling on the big idea, albeit by trademarking alternative versions of the line. Heaven forbid somebody else should want to legally own the phrases.

From “Our food. Your questions.” to “Lovin’ Beats Hatin’,” the Golden Arches seems to be playing serious defense. Unfortunately, defense wins championships in the NFL and NBA, but it doesn’t do much in the fast food arena. How long has it been since Mickey D’s acted like the category leader? Granted, it’s a category in trouble as consumers become more health-conscious—or at least more conscious of the unhealthiness of certain foods.

Not sure what the answer is for Mickey D’s. But absolutely sure “Lovin’ Beats Hatin’” is not the solution. Better for the fast feeder to load up on its popular promotions. For example, introduce the McRib® Monopoly® Game with a Happy Meal® movie tie-in toy—and give away free Shamrock Shakes to all participants.

Oh, and hire Justin Timberlake to sing the jingle.