10136: Presidential Contest 2012.

In 2008, voters embraced hope. In 2012, voters hope for a chance to win a free dinner.

8774: Spokespresident For Hire.

This ad looks like Bill Clinton is hawking the Men’s Wearhouse.

6921: Bill Clinton, Frat Boy.

From FOX News…

Black Fraternity Inducts Bill Clinton as Honorary Member

National fraternity Phi Beta Sigma welcomed Bill Clinton as an honorary member Friday, making him the first and only U.S. president to be inducted into a historically black fraternity.

From AP

NEW ORLEANS -- A historically black fraternity has voted to induct former President Bill Clinton as an honorary member.

Phi Beta Sigma President Paul Griffin Jr. said Friday that Clinton is the first U.S. president to be inducted into a historically black fraternity.

The fraternity voted Tuesday for Clinton's induction at its 95th Anniversary Conclave in New Orleans, La.

Stevie Wonder, Al Roker, the Rev. Al Sharpton and jazz musician Ramsey Lewis are also honorary members of Phi Beta Sigma.

The fraternity was founded in 1914 at Howard University in Washington, D.C. It has more than 150,000 alumni and college members in about 500 chapters throughout the U.S., Caribbean, Africa and Asia.

6331: Stimulating Stimulus Plans And Hustlers.

Talking trash in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Adult entertainment moguls Larry Flynt and Joe Francis have asked Washington for a $5 billion federal bailout. “The government’s handing out money to the auto industry,” whined Girls Gone Wild producer Francis. “Why shouldn’t it hand some to an industry the nation could not live without?” Perhaps they can get support from former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer, ex-Senator Larry Craig and even former President Bill Clinton.

• Britain’s Prince Harry apologized for making racist remarks about Pakistanis and people of Arab descent in a 2006 video. The offenses included referring to someone as “our little paki friend” (paki is an offensive term to people from Pakistan) and calling someone wearing a headscarf a “raghead.” Racism from the Royal Family? Why, it’s positively mortifying.

• A Brooklyn woman is suing Tito Jackson, claiming that he’s her father. “He told me he was my father when I was 17,” said the woman. “He didn’t want it public. … He was ashamed.” It’s not clear if he was ashamed to be her father, or ashamed to be Tito Jackson.

5781: Spreading MADness.

Going mad in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Certain Circuit City stores temporarily pulled the latest MAD magazine from shelves after discovering a parody advertisement section from “Sucker City.” The spoof includes lines about Nintendo Wii, “Guaranteed In Stock … if you’re friends with an employee who hid it in the back for you. Otherwise, ooh, sorry, all sold out.” Circuit City wound up backpedaling over the in-store censoring. “We apologize for the knee-jerk reaction, and have issued a retraction order; the affected stores are being directed to put the magazines back on sale,” said a store spokesman. “The parody of our newspaper ad in the August MAD was very clever. Most of us at Circuit City share a rich sense of humor and irony … but there are occasional temporary lapses.” The issue will probably be the only thing Circuit City manages to sell this month.

• A new report presented the obvious: child meals at restaurant chains are loaded with calories. “Parents want to feed their children healthy meals, but America’s chain restaurants are setting parents up to fail,” said a nonprofit public health group official. “McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC and other chains are conditioning kids to expect burgers, fried chicken, pizza, French fries, macaroni and cheese and soda in various combination at almost every lunch and dinner.” Doesn’t help when parents are stuffing their own faces with high-calorie adult meals.

• Former President Bill Clinton insisted, “I am not a racist,” during a TV interview. “There are things I wished I said [while campaigning for his wife Hillary]. Things I wished I hadn’t said, but I am not a racist,” said Clinton in reference to comments he made about Senator Barack Obama. “I never made a racist comment and I didn’t attack him personally.” No, Clinton is not a racist. He’s something worse: a typical politician.

5720: Dolls And Dummies.

Playing with dolls and dollars in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• A jury ruled the Bratz dolls were conceived while the original designer was still working for Mattel, creator of rival Barbie dolls. The decision could bring millions of dollars in damages to Mattel when the jury huddles during another proceeding. No word if Bratz were actually fashioned after Barbie or the cross-dressing Ken.

• Capital One’s 2Q profits dropped 40 percent, with the credit card company citing customers are defaulting on their loans. Look for Capital One to boost your APR to 40 percent. What’s in your wallet? The hands of Capital One’s collection department.

• Qantas Airlines is dumping 1,500 jobs, citing rising fuel costs. So 1,500 people will join the koala bear in expressing hate for Qantas.

• An employee with 1-800-Flowers was fired after sending a threatening email from her work computer. The worker sought to stifle a University of Minnesota professor who criticized the teaching of creationism. “You have two choices, you can quit your job for the good of the children. Or you can get your brains beat in,” read the email. The employee tried to cover her email trail to no avail, as 1-800-Flowers ultimately canned her. No word if anyone sent a “Pick-Me-Up” bouquet—or if they’ll introduce a new service: 1-800-DeathThreats.

• Bill Clinton sought to support Jesse Jackson over his recent nutty gaffe. Clinton remarked, “If all of us lived on live mics, then 100% of us in this room would be embarrassed from time to time.” Sounds like the makings for a new reality TV series: Hot Mics.