Essay 4265

Playing with a full deck in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• NFL star Michael Vick’s dog-fighting problems continue to adversely affect his endorsement deals. Trading-card company Upper Deck plans to remove future Vick cards from UD and Fleer sets. Upper Deck released a statement that read, “The allegations alone have resulted in an outpouring of very strong emotion with our organization and among the collecting community. We believe collectors will agree and support this decision as being the best course of action for our football business.” Wonder if Vick will play the race card.

• Ford Motor Company will recall 3.6 million cars, trucks and SUVs, responding to a faulty cruise control switch. In January 2005, Ford recalled 6 million vehicles based on troubles with cruise control systems. At least the automaker is making defective progress.

• Nicole Richie has voiced her choice of a prison to serve her 4-day sentence, voting for the Los Angeles County jail. Richie had been ordered to do her time in a county jail or city jail. So she picked the county life over city life.

• Usher and his fiancée wound up marrying after all. The couple had postponed their wedding last week, allegedly haggling over the details of the prenuptial agreement. Guess Usher finally chose the specifics of his prison sentence.

• Membership has its privileges, but they no longer include being associated with Tiger Woods. The golf superstar has split with sponsor American Express. “He brought a lot of value to AmEx. He’s an incredible athlete with an incredible work ethic, and that runs well with what our brand is all about,” said a company spokesman. “Sometimes, strategies change. We wanted to move our dollars to build a broader base of consumer experiences.” Keeping Woods probably exceeded their spending limit.

• The U.S. Army is now offering $20,000 bonuses to recruits willing to sign up and quickly head to training camp. Calling it the “quick-ship” program, the Army hopes to boost sagging enlistment numbers. Whatever happened to wooing people with feelings of pride and adventure? Better change the new tagline from “Army Strong” to “Army Desperate.”

• Eddie Murphy is now admitting he’s the daddy of Melanie “Scary Spice” Brown’s baby. Murphy released a statement that read, “Mr. Murphy and Ms. Brown dated very briefly and never made any plans of ANY sort. He acknowledges paternity of the child Angel, and has paid child support to Ms. Brown as well as covering the expenses of her pregnancy.” Talk about a “quick-ship” program.

• A federal investigation has been launched to determine if the Los Angeles Fire Department allows racism and discrimination to flourish in the firehouses. The LAFD released a statement that read, “The Los Angeles Fire Department takes all workplace environment issues seriously. It has been and remains our goal to create a positive workplace that supports all our members.” They’ll probably hold a “Ladies’ Night Spaghetti Dinner” to boost morale (see Essay 1677, 1451 and more).