8930: Slurred Speech.

Sorry characters in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Chris Brown apologized via Twitter for his anti-gay sentiments directed at photographers earlier in the week. The serial homophobic woman beater snapped at photographers whom he believed had tipped off police over his illegally parked ride. “Y’all niggas is weak,” growled Brown. “Did you call them to try and film me? Y’all niggas is gay!” Brown’s apologetic Tweet read, “I have total respect for Gay community and my intention was not to insult anyone in it.” Look for Brown to now go on tour with Tracy Morgan.

• Chelsea Handler is catching heat for insulting Serbians, with protestors calling for a boycott of Handler and her show until the comedienne apologizes. On Monday’s episode of her E! program, Handler and her guests were discussing Amy Winehouse’s recent concert problems in Serbia. Handler’s comments implied that “Serbia and its people are a shame and disappointment,” and she laughed that she didn’t know Serbians were allowed to attend concerts. And this woman called Sarah Palin really stupid?

7105: Shout Outs.

Truth and Lies in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Former President Jimmy Carter continued to inspire reactions regarding his comments stating Representative Joe Wilson’s infamous shout was rooted in racism. Carter also said, “I think an overwhelming portion of the intensely demonstrated animosity toward … Obama is based on the fact that he is a Black man. … I live in the South, and I have seen the South come a long way. But that racism inclination still exists, and I think it has bubbled up.” Joe Wilson would probably holler, “You lie!”

• Chris Brown started performing community service for his sentence stemming from assaulting Rihanna. The service included clearing weeds and brush by hand and with yard tools. Brown will also be removing graffiti and washing cars—which he’ll probably leverage into a new music video.

• Does she or doesn’t she? Abercrombie & Fitch filed a lawsuit against Beyoncé, accusing her of trademark violation. The clothing company insisted the songstress was launching a new fragrance called “Sasha Fierce,” while A&F has already been selling their own fragrance called “Fierce.” However, Beyoncé’s peeps claim her fragrance is not using the name at all. Kanye West will probably jump to Beyoncé’s defense.

6997: LOL Cats.

Assorted idiots in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• A moron in Florida is blaming his cat for downloading child pornography on the man’s computer. There’s a pussy joke worth pursuing here.

• Wrigley dumped Rihanna assaulter Chris Brown from its celebrity spokesman roster. No word if the Doublemint Twins will charge that he also beat them with a stick. Of gum.

• An autopsy revealed Billy Mays had cocaine in his system, which led to his death in June. Wonder if they’ll keep running his commercials now. Or maybe introduce OxiClean & Sober.

• Former Democratic Congressman William Jefferson was found guilty of 11 of 16 corruption charges. He’ll definitely be cleaning out his refrigerator before heading to prison.

6876: Color Commentary On Brown.

From The New York Daily News…

Chris Brown plea deal in Rihanna beating sends bad message, say domestic abuse experts

By Carrie Melago
Daily News Staff Writer

Singer Chris Brown might have avoided jail time in his vicious attack on Rihanna, but domestic violence experts aren’t letting him off the hook so easily.

Advocates fear Brown’s plea deal, which gave him five years’ probation and community labor, is so cushy that it sends the wrong message to young men and victims.

“It sets a very poor example,” Roslyn Muraskin, director of the Long Island Women’s Institute, said Tuesday.

“This is a person who attacks a woman for no reason whatsoever and now gets away with the attack.”

Brown, 20, pleaded guilty Monday to one count of felony assault in the February attack on Rihanna after the couple left a Grammy party and fought over a text message.

After seeing pictures of Rihanna’s bruised and battered face, many initially figured Brown wouldn’t be able to avoid jail.

And now that he’s been spared from prison, experts fear other boys will expect leniency for abuse.

“Even Paris Hilton got more jail time!” National Organization for Women President Kim Gandy said in a statement.

“Young girls and boys watching this unfold on TV will see than men who commit violence against women practically go scot-free.”

Rita Smith, executive director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said Brown’s sentence is typical for first offenders — a problem since it might not be harsh enough to stop future attacks.

“I don’t think it’s enough of a consequence,” she said. “If we give them a break, we give them a shorter sentence or less consequence, it basically just says this wasn’t such a big deal.”

Advocates are particularly troubled about the impact of the sentence on the many middle and high school students who look up to Brown and Rihanna.

But Patti Occhiuzzo Giggans, executive director of Peace Over Violence, thinks Brown should get some credit for owning up to the crime.

“I think there was something refreshing about seeing a celebrity admit guilt. We don’t see that often,” she said.

6871: Botox, Booze & Beating The Rap.

Facing the news with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• The Miami Herald presented a report on the increase in Botox treatments and plastic surgery for older workers seeking to remain competitive in the job market. “Youth is becoming more and more emphasized in the workplace,” said Dr. Steven Pearlman. “The seasoned experts, once pictured in ads with lots of wrinkles, have been replaced by young go-getters with multiple degrees and the appearance of boundless energy.” Especially in Just For Men advertisements.

• In Illinois, Walgreens is putting booze back on the shelves. The drugstore chain had stopped selling liquor about 20 years ago, claiming it wasn’t profitable. Given that Walgreens recently reported significant profit drops, the place can at least expect big booze sales with their own accountants.

• Chris Brown copped a plea deal to stay out of jail for beating up Rihanna. Foxy Brown, Naomi Campbell and T.I. are all thinking, “WTF?”

6516: Black Eye Is Beautiful.

The Rihanna CoverGirl spread takes on new meaning with the recording artist’s personal problems. Top beauty hits can help conceal the effects of hits. And you can light up your eyes after you’ve been lit up by Chris Brown. Ouch.