5604: You Have One Racist Message.

Checking voicemail with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Charlie Sheen is catching heat for a voicemail message to ex-wife Denise Richards. In the voicemail, Sheen called Richards a “fucking [N-word],” even though she isn’t Black. Sheen issued an apology that read, “I deeply apologize by my choice of words to all I have obviously offended; especially to Tony Todd, an African-American, who was my best man at my first two weddings.” Hey, some of Sheen’s best men are Black.

• 50 Cent is going to court to keep his ex-girlfriend from proclaiming the rapper was responsible for the recent fire that gutted his Long Island house. “There comes a point where you can no longer sit on your hands and listen to her spread these falsehoods,” said the rapper’s lawyer. “Besides hurting his reputation, they have a damaging impact on their son.” Note to Fiddy: Don’t ask Charlie Sheen to leave voicemails for you.

• Some women are complaining the iPhone is sexist, as its touchscreen technology doesn’t work well for people with long fingernails. Steve Jobs will probably invent iNails—press-on nails with built-in iPhones.

• Circuit City announced its 1Q loss is bigger than expected, with an 11 percent sales drop at established stores. “We continued to see improvement in many of our operating performance measures,” said the retailer’s CEO. “We are rebuilding our selling culture and focusing on creating a good first and last impression with the customer.” As opposed to the existing bad first and last impressions?