FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
April 1, 2025
Omnicom to acquire IPG, WPP, Publicis Groupe, Dentsu, Havas, and Stagwell
280 Park Avenue, New York, NY -- Omnicom Group Chairman-CEO-Pioneer of Diversity John Wren announced the White holding company plans to supplement its pending acquisition of IPG, adding WPP, Publicis Groupe, Dentsu, Havas, and Stagwell to the global empire.
The groundbreaking enterprise will be called Omnicombo. Or Omnicommode. Or Omnicolonizer.
The move is estimated to save gazillions, although analysts predict identifying redundancies, addressing client conflicts, and rejiggering hierarchies could take decades.
The proposed scheme sets a world record for C-suite executives’ golden parachutes—and all other staffers’ golden showers.
Under the new regime, Chief Diversity Officers, ERGs, performative PR, and heat shields will be replaced and/or executed by AI technology, pending the development of unbiased algorithms. In the interim, expect such responsibilities and duties to be delegated to BIPOC receptionists, mailroom attendants, janitorial crews, and security personnel.
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