Essay 1244

Exposing the truth in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• A 40-year-old California mom accused of indecent exposure had the charges dropped when a judge ruled the law only applies to men. The judge declared the law just referred to someone who “exposes his person.” Neighbors said the woman showed their 14-year-old son full-frontal nudity while he was playing basketball. Somebody please book this lady for Lakers halftime shows pronto.

• A new research study shows the Freshman 15 should actually be called the Freshman 8. While students are gaining less weight than expected, health officials still view it as a problem. “Nobody at home is cooking like a dining hall. They don’t have five different entrees and five different desserts at home,” said the director of sports nutrition at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. “And we know that the more variety people are offered, the more they eat.” Yes, Mickey D’s undoubtedly has decades worth of research to prove this point.

• Health experts are questioning New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s proposed ban on restaurants serving foods with trans fat. While the National Academies’ Institute of Medicine agrees trans fats are really bad, the organization presented a report that opposed bans as being “impractical” since trans fats are in lots of foods, and restrictions would make it “extremely difficult to get a nutritionally adequate diet.” Plus, a ban would probably effectively put Mickey D’s out of business, not to mention every street vendor in Manhattan.

• Ford Motor Company posted a quarterly loss of $5.8 billion, citing factors including declining sales on its most profitable trucks. Wonder how many Ford trucks it would take to haul $5.8 billion.