Cutting the news in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…
• O.J. Simpson was tossed out of a Louisville steakhouse because the owner didn’t like him. “I didn’t want to serve him because of my convictions of what he’s done to those families,” said the owner. “The way he continues to torture the lives of those families … with his behavior, attitude and conduct. … I didn’t want that experience in my restaurant. … [The attention Simpson receives] makes me sick to my stomach.” Plus, it’s probably unnerving to be around O.J. with so many steak knives nearby.
• Paris Hilton is seeking a pardon from California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, hoping he’ll keep her out of jail. “I don’t think the Founding Fathers had Paris Hilton’s driving conviction in mind when they enacted the cruel and unusual punishment provision of the Constitution,” said a Loyola Law School professor. Hilton’s petition starts with some serious ass-kissing: “Let me first begin by saying that I grew up as a child enjoying all of your wonderful films. You really are the truly great action hero for our time. You are doing a great job in the great state of California.” Don’t look for the Terminator to come to the rescue on this one.
• Cracker Barrel is pulling hamburgers from hundreds of its restaurants after a patron cut herself on a piece of metal in a patty. Usually, Cracker Barrel customers only receive cutting remarks from racist employees.
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