Essay 452

Oh brother, it’s another MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Jermaine Jackson (pictured above) was trying to sell a tell-all book about brother Michael. The book allegedly detailed creepy interactions between Jacko and children, the family’s suspicions about the King of Pop’s feelings for young boys and allegations that Joe Jackson may have sexually abused his son. However, the big brother failed to find interested publishers. Which really demonstrates the respect and credibility of Jermaine Jackson.

• Getting buried in Detroit’s Woodlawn cemetery will now be more expensive. Prices have soared by thousands of dollars since civil rights icon Rosa Parks was entombed there last fall. “I know some people might want to be buried near her, but we’re just private people and so was she,” said a Parks family member. “When will people stop taking advantage of her legacy?” Look for a book proposal from Jermaine Jackson soon.

• While playing cricket during his trip to Pakistan, President Bush was struck by an errant delivery. No word if Dick Cheney was the wild bowler. Sorry if the cricket references are inaccurate, but you hopefully get the gist.

• The Army has launched an investigation into the April 2004 death of Pat Tillman, the former NFL player who allegedly died from friendly fire in Afghanistan. Now there are suspicions the shooting may have been a homicide. A Pentagon official said the Army Criminal Investigation Command will conduct a probe and “let the facts take them where they may.” With the Pentagon, the facts usually take them to lies.

• A recent graduate of the University of North Carolina who plowed his SUV into a group of bystanders may face assorted charges including executing a hate crime. The 22-year-old man is a native of Iran, and officials claim he “allegedly made statements that he acted to avenge the American treatment of Muslims.” Well, let’s hope he wasn’t merely anxious to place bets on a March Madness pool.

• The former state senator who sponsored Ohio’s hate crimes law thinks things need to be updated. “We need to send a message in our society that when you commit a crime against someone because of the color of their skin or religion or ethnic heritage, you are not just committing a crime against that person,” said Lee Fisher. “You are committing a crime against that entire community and society, and it deserves stiffer punishment.” Hating hate is no longer a redundant term.

• Quinnipiac University conducted a poll that showed 72 percent of Americans oppose giving driver’s licenses to illegal immigrants; plus, 62 percent oppose making it easier for illegal immigrants to become citizens. And nearly 100 percent have never heard of Quinnipiac University.

• 12 folks kicked off the Day Laborer Run for Peace and Dignity, a cross-country trek from California to New York City intended to bring attention to the exploitation and discrimination placed on immigrant workers. “We’re trying to show the federal government they should recognize the contributions of immigrants, especially day laborers,” a participant said. “We demand fair legislation, not just for Latin American workers but also for workers from Africa, Asia and all over the world.” Hey, it would have been easier to obtain a driver’s license and travel by car.

• There’s a growing movement against soda pop, linking the product to the problem of obesity. Anti-soda initiatives include taxing and labeling sodas like cigarettes or liquor. Come to think of it, has anyone ever verified Dr. Pepper’s medical license?

• AT&T is seeking to acquire BellSouth in a $67 billion deal. Right now, the two companies both own Cingular wireless. The impending deal means customers will ultimately have only one source to call when complaining about the lousy service they receive.

• Libraries in northeast Missouri have moved a book about two male penguins raising a baby penguin after parents griped the story had homosexual undertones. The book is actually based on the true tale of male penguins Roy and Silo from New York City’s Central Park Zoo, who adopted an abandoned egg. Roy and Silo vehemently deny being gay. But Hollywood executives are probably brainstorming on a movie tentatively titled, “The March of the Penguins to Brokeback Mountain.”