Essay 485

I hate Monday’s MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Illinois politicians are criticizing the use of comedian Bernie Mac in upcoming Lottery commercials. Mac will receive $500,000 to appear in two commercials — which is a pretty standard payment for celebrity endorsements. But the lawmakers appear to be ignorant of such deals. “It certainly makes me pause when I hear those kind of numbers for the little amount of work he’s doing,” said state Rep. Jack Franks (D-Woodstock). “It seems to me we could probably be getting similar results for substantially less advertising.” Another politician griped, “Giving money to rich Hollywood actors, I don’t think that’s a good way to spend taxpayer money… We should be replenishing our pension systems.” Or maybe questioning the salaries of elected officials.

• Wal-Mart announced plans to hire about 150,000 employees in China over the next five years. No word if they’ll change their name to The Great Wal-Mart of China.

• Dell Inc. announced plans to double the amount of employees in India to 20,000 over the next three years. No word if they’ll change their name to New Dellhi.

• The man who robbed and beat civil rights icon Rosa Parks in 1994 apologized from his prison cell. “I will go down in history as the man who robbed Rosa Parks,” the felon said. “I’m sorry that she died. I was hoping to get out in time to tell her I was sorry.” Would someone please tell this sorry fool he’s far exceeded his 15th minute of infamy?

• A Mescalero Apache family is suing the producers of “Into The West” because a stylist cut their daughter’s hair without showing sensitivity to tribal customs. The suit charges the stylist cut her hair “to make her look more ‘Indian’ and like a male Indian child because the movie casting call failed to produce sufficient young male extras of Indian heritage.” The Mescalero tradition forbids cutting girls’ hair at certain ages, actually requiring their hair to reach their waist for sacred ceremonies. The suit seeks $325,000 in total damages. There’s definitely a bad scalping joke here.

• Illinois School District 65 will vote on launching a controversial initiative to introduce Afrocentric curriculum at two elementary schools where nearly 50 percent of the students are Black. Critics argue the project would ultimately segregate kids. But one school board official countered, “Everything in the whole society validates white children… But there is not one classroom, one school, one program in the whole district that focuses on African-American children. It’s a stain on our community.” Sometimes removing tough stains requires separating whites and coloreds.