Showing posts with label wesley snipes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wesley snipes. Show all posts

Monday, June 06, 2011

8863: Prison Breakdowns.


Late-night sportscast in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Former NY Giants receiver Plaxico Burress left prison today after serving nearly two years for accidentally shooting himself in the leg in a Manhattan nightclub. “First of all, I want to thank God for bringing me through one of the most trying times of my life,” said Burress. “It’s a beautiful day to be reunited with my family, go home and spend some quality time with them. I’d like to thank everybody for their prayers and words of encouragement. I’d like to thank all my fans around the world for the thousands of letters and unwavering support. As far as football is concerned, if and when (the lockout) gets settled and they get back on the field, I’ll be ready. Y’all be good and blessed.” Hey, the dude deserves another shot. Just not with his own pistol.

• Wesley Snipes will not be leaving prison anytime soon. The Supreme Court turned away the actor’s appeal attempt to have his conviction and sentence for tax charges overturned. So Snipes will be ready to watch the next few Super Bowls from a comfy jail cell.

Thursday, December 09, 2010

8242: Money, Money, Money, Money—Money!


For better or worse with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Wesley Snipes made a final bid to avoid prison time, requesting a new trial for his tax evasion problems. Hey, would a new trial cost taxpayers more money?

• A new Bloomberg national poll showed 50 percent of Americans think they’re worse off now than they were two years ago when President Obama took office. Plus, two-thirds of citizens believe the country’s heading in the wrong direction. And about 100 percent think Wesley Snipes has lost his mind.

• BeyoncĂ© presented Jay-Z with a birthday gift—a Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport worth about $2 million. The couple is clearly not in the 50 percent of Americans who think they’re worse off now than they were two years ago.

Thursday, December 02, 2010

8218: Mylanta Moments.


A Midweek MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• My doctor said Mylanta—might make me drunk. Johnson & Johnson-Merck Consumer Pharmaceuticals recalled 12 million bottles of Mylanta because product flavoring contained alcohol not labeled on the package. Maybe the company was experimenting with Mylanta Malt Liquor.

• Wesley Snipes was ordered to start his prison sentence for tax-related convictions on December 9 in Pennsylvania. Snipes is likely searching for Mylanta and plenty of alcohol right now.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

8196: Thanksgiving Turkeys.


Carving up the news in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Former U.S. House Majority Leader Tom DeLay was convicted of money laundering in connection with the 2002 elections—making him eligible for a sentence of five to 99 years in prison. So DeLay may soon become Big House Majority Leader.

• Wesley Snipes asked a federal judge to let him remain free on bail while pursuing an appeal of his convictions for tax evasion. Snipes is probably also receiving calls for advice from Tom DeLay.

• Kanye West is not giving thanks to Taylor Swift, Matt Lauer or George W. Bush. The recording artist apparently griped about being victimized during a recent concert, even accusing Swift of profiting from the infamous VMA moment. West complained, “Everybody needs a villain, don’t we? We need to blame someone at all times.” Um, at some point, West is going to have to blame himself.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

8186: Profiles Of Stupidity.


Weekend news in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Sarah Palin thinks airport security should “profile away” when facing suspicious people at security gates. Via Twitter, Palin wrote, “law enforcement profiles individuals/suspects when seeking info 2 prevent or deal w/other crimes; why can’t this be done @aiport 2 prevent?” Let’s hope Palin’s next TSA patdown includes a whack 2 her empty head.

• A Florida judge ordered Wesley Snipes to start his jail sentence for a felony tax conviction. So far, Snipes has managed to avoid paying taxes and avoid paying for his crimes.

• A Los Angeles Times/USC poll showed Latinos and Asians are significantly more concerned about the environment than Whites. Probably because they’re doing a lot more of the outdoor labor.

• Pope Benedict XVI said using condoms could be justified in certain cases, like male prostitutes seeking to prevent the spread of HIV. Also, pedophile priests could… oh, never mind.

Friday, September 03, 2010

7933: King-Sized Rumors.


Speculation and hearsay in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Rumors indicate Burger King is for sale. “In fiscal year 2010, we faced sustained levels of high unemployment and a fragile global economy that combined made this one of the toughest operating environments in recent history,” declared Burger King Chairman and CEO John Chidsey. A sale could lead to a major Whopper Freakout.

• Rumors indicate Wesley Snipes has hired private investigators to stalk the wife of Ponzi schemer Ken Starr, hoping to find evidence to clear the actor of tax charges. Sounds like a twist on O.J. Simpson vowing to hunt down Nicole’s killers.

• It’s no rumor—T.I. and his wife were arrested on drug charges. Perhaps the ex-con-rapper-actor is starting some sort of prison family plan.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

7787: Dancing With The Stars.


Working the weekend with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• A Holocaust survivor and his family sparked controversy with a video showing them dancing in Auschwitz to Gloria Gaynor tune “I Will Survive.” Critics are calling the work tasteless, outrageous and worse. Actually, it’s just another example of White people pathetically trying to boogie to Black music.

• Wesley Snipes will serve time in prison for failing to file his taxes, as a federal appeals panel upheld the 3-year sentence. The actor had sought to overturn the original ruling after a key witness was also convicted of fraud. It’s unlikely Snipes is now dancing to “I Will Survive.”

• David Prowse, the actor who portrayed Darth Vader, has been banned from appearing at official Star Wars events and conventions. George Lucas made the declaration, apparently resulting from years of feuding between the actor and series creator. Guess Lucas’ power trumps the dark side of the Force.

• Mickey D’s cancelled plans to offer free smoothie samples, fearing the demand would exceed supplies. The joint that brags, “billions served,” can’t handle a smoothie promotion?

Monday, October 12, 2009

7170: Monday Evening Quarterbacking.


Quick hits in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• The Reverend Al Sharpton has joined the NFL players who don’t want to see Rush Limbaugh succeed in his bid to become an owner of the St. Louis Rams. Sharpton sent a letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, asking for a meeting. Not sure why everyone’s getting so worked up. Limbaugh will not likely pass the league’s drug testing.

• Wesley Snipes apparently fell victim to a Ponzi scheme that cost him millions of dollars. However, the total still pales in comparison to the scheme Snipes tried to pull off with the IRS.

Monday, October 05, 2009

7154: Monday Memorandum.


Monday multicultural mentions in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• CondĂ© Nast Publications announced plans to dump magazines including Gourmet, Modern Bride and Elegant Bride. If the publisher wants to make loot, they’ll replace the magazines with titles like Fast Food, Postponing Bride and Frugal Bride.

• The Tax Man cometh for Method Man. The artist was arrested for owing the IRS $32,799. Is that really such a big deal these days? Method Man is no Wesley Snipes.

• In New York, NAACP official Hazel Dukes sparked minor controversy when addressing Democratic controller nominee John Liu during a recent birthday celebration for Rev. Al Sharpton. Dukes remarked, “I see John Liu here—he’s been the little Asian boy running around with us a long time [in] the NAACP.” No word yet if Sharpton or the NAACP will be staging a protest.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

5651: Airport Insecurity.


Rough landings in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• American Airlines announced plans to cut 900 flight attendants. Nice way to celebrate Independence Day.

• United Airlines announced plans to start offering passengers larger snacks for $3 each. The idea must be to lure fat people in the hopes they can be charged for two seats.

• Wesley Snipes is still appealing his tax convictions, but a judge has allowed the star to travel abroad for filmmaking. Snipes probably views charges for onboard snacks as tax write-offs.

• DMX was busted at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport for outstanding warrants. Not sure why DMX would be at an airport. The man can clearly drive faster than most jets.

• Blockbuster withdrew its proposal to acquire Circuit City. Guess consumers aren’t the only ones refusing to buy at Circuit City.

Friday, May 23, 2008

5504: Keep Your Eyes On Your Pies.


Switching schedules with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Mickey D’s CEO Jim Skinner told shareholders that the fast food joint’s fries are no longer cooked in trans-fat oils. The official swap was allegedly made months ago, although the company opted not to advertise the change. “While we don’t plan to advertise these changes, we wanted [shareholders] to be the first to know that we have followed through on our commitment while keeping the same great taste that our customers expect from McDonald’s,” said Skinner. However, Mickey D’s is still working on removing trans fats from its cookies and pies. Because, by golly, it’s imperative that they keep the same great lack of taste that customers expect from those items too.

• A federal judge ruled that Wesley Snipes won’t have to report to jail on June 3 as scheduled, and can remain free pending his appeal. Which means the actor still has time to enjoy Mickey D’s cookies and pies before the products change.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

5431: Cold Calling.


Phoning it in with a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Chrysler is launching a program where company executives will make phone calls to customers to check if they’re happy with their vehicles. Knowing Chrysler, the honchos will probably call during dinner or while you’re on the toilet.

• Add Linens ‘n Things to the list of retailers struggling to stay in business. The company will file for bankruptcy ‘n close 120 stores nationwide.

The Chicago Sun-Times reported a new twist in the upcoming R. Kelly child pornography trial. Apparently, a witness will testify she was involved in a three-way with Kelly and the alleged underage victim. She no doubt has the Linens ‘n Things to prove it.

• As expected, Wesley Snipes and his lawyers filed to appeal his federal tax conviction. OK, the man failed to file his taxes for years, but had no problem immediately filing an appeal.

• Foxy Brown is facing a new lawsuit from the neighbor she allegedly bashed in the face with her BlackBerry last August. Maybe Foxy can collect some legal defense loot by appearing in one of those “Why I Love My BlackBerry” ads.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

5400: Taxing Ordeals.


Courting disaster in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• After a short period of alleged marital bliss, Gary Coleman and his wife are already appearing on TV’s Divorce Court. “If he doesn’t get his way, he throws a temper tantrum like a five-year-old does,” said the wife during the show taping. “He like stomps the floor and yells, ‘Meehhhh,’ and starts throwing stuff around. He bashes his head in the wall, too.” Coleman admitted he gets frustrated, and also explained why he has no friends by saying, “People will stab you in the back, mistreat you, talk about me behind your back, steal from you. And they’re not really your friends. (They’re) only there because you’re a celebrity or because they want to get something from you.” Um, is Coleman really a celebrity anymore?

• Wesley Snipes has requested serving his 3-year prison sentence in New Jersey, close to where the actor lives. Wonder if Snipes will inevitably try to argue he’s not legally obligated to serve the sentence.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

5393: H&R Cell Block.


From The Associated Press…

Wesley Snipes to serve 3 years in prison for tax convictions

By TRAVIS REED

OCALA, Fla. (AP) — Wesley Snipes called on famous friends to vouch for him, highlighted his clean criminal record and even wrote the government $5 million in checks — all in an effort to convince a judge that his conviction on tax charges should cost him nothing more than home detention and some public service announcements.

None of it worked. The “Blade” actor was ordered to do hard time.

Snipes was sentenced to three years in prison Thursday for failing to file tax returns, the maximum penalty — and a victory for prosecutors who sought to make an example of the action star.

Snipes’ lawyers had spent much of the day in court offering dozens of letters from family members, friends — even fellow actors Woody Harrelson and Denzel Washington — attesting to his good character. His attorneys recommended he be given home detention and ordered to make public service announcements because his three convictions were all misdemeanors and the actor had no previous criminal record.

But U.S. District Judge William Terrell Hodges said Snipes exhibited a “history of contempt over a period of time” for U.S. tax laws, and granted prosecutors the three-year sentence they requested — one year for each of Snipes’ convictions of willfully failing to file a tax return from 1999-2001.

“In my mind these are serious crimes, albeit misdemeanors,” Hodges said.

Snipes apologized while reading from a written statement for his “costly mistakes,” but never mentioned the word taxes.

“I am an idealistic, naive, passionate, truth-seeking, spiritually motivated artist, unschooled in the science of law and finance,” Snipes said. He said his wealth and celebrity attracted “wolves and jackals like flies are attracted to meat.” He called himself “well-intentioned, but miseducated.”

Snipes surprised the court before Hodges handed down the sentence by offering the government three checks totaling $5 million in unpaid taxes over several years, money the government first denied but then accepted. Prosecutors called it “grandstanding” to avoid jail time, and a mere down payment on the actor’s still-undetermined multimillion dollar tax bill.

The action star of the “Blade” trilogy, “White Men Can’t Jump,” “Jungle Fever” and other films hasn’t filed a tax return since 1998, the government alleged. Snipes and the IRS will work in future civil proceedings to determine his full tax liability, plus interest and penalties.

Snipes was the highest-profile criminal tax target in years, and prosecutors called for a heavy sentence to deter others from trying to obstruct the IRS. The government alleged Snipes made at least $13.8 million for the years in question and owed $2.7 million in back taxes.

Snipes was acquitted in February of five additional charges, including felony tax fraud and conspiracy. Co-defendants Douglas P. Rosile and Eddie Ray Kahn were convicted on both those counts. Kahn, who refused to defend himself in court, was sentenced to 10 years, while Rosile received 54 months. Both will serve three years of supervised release. Snipes will serve one year of supervised release.

Snipes and Rosile remain free and will be notified when they are to surrender to authorities. Defense attorney Carmen Hernandez signaled in court that Snipes would pursue an appeal.

Kahn was the founder of American Rights Litigators, and a successor group, Guiding Light of God Ministries, that purported to help members legally avoid paying taxes. Rosile, a former accountant who lost his licenses in Ohio and Florida, prepared Snipes’ paperwork.

Snipes maintained in a years-long battle with the IRS he did not have to pay taxes, using fringe arguments common to “tax protesters” who say the government has no legal right to collect. After joining Kahn’s group, the government said Snipes instructed his employees to stop paying their own taxes and sought $11 million in 1996 and 1997 taxes he legally paid.

Prosecutors sought to justify the maximum sentence by raising those and other details from the IRS investigation, as well as a tax loss even for years in which Snipes was acquitted of failing to file a return. Such “relevant conduct” is allowed by law for a judge’s consideration at sentencing.

Criminal tax prosecutions are relatively rare — usually the cases are handled in civil court, where the government has a lower burden of proof. Prosecutors said Snipes’ case was important to send a message to would-be tax protesters not to test the government.

Snipes’ lawyers said he was no threat to society, and called four character witnesses Thursday, including television's Judge Joe Brown, who incited applause from the gallery by suggesting Snipes was no different than “mega-corporate entities” that legally avoid taxes.

Hodges twice halted the proceedings to quiet the crowd, threatening to clear everyone out if they made another outburst.

Defense attorneys Hernandez and Daniel Meachum said Snipes was unfairly targeted for prosecution because he’s famous. Meachum called prosecutors “big game hunters,” selectively prosecuting the actor while Kahn’s 4,000 other clients remained free.

Hodges was not swayed.

“One of the main purposes which drives selective prosecution in tax cases is deterrence,” the judge said, while denying it had anything to do with his sentence. “In some instances, that means those of celebrity stand greater risk of prosecution. But there’s nothing unusual about it, nor is there anything unlawful about it. It’s the way the system works.”

Friday, February 01, 2008

5069: Tax-Free At Last…?


From The Associated Press…

Jury Acquits Wesley Snipes of Tax Fraud

By TRAVIS REED

OCALA, Fla. (AP) — Action star Wesley Snipes was found not guilty of federal tax-fraud and conspiracy charges Friday, but was convicted on three misdemeanor counts of failing to file a tax return.

Snipes had faced up to 16 years in prison if convicted on all charges, but can now only get up to three years. The “Blade” star and two co-defendants had been indicted in 2006 after Snipes stopped paying, using tax protest arguments long rejected by the courts.

Snipes sat emotionless as his verdict was read, then nodded in relief. He refused to talk with reporters after the verdict, and is still liable for millions in taxes likely to be pursued in civil court.

“Mr. Snipes has always been committed to doing the right thing, and after this trial is over he’ll make whatever amends are required,” defense attorney Robert Bernhoft said. “But this is a man of integrity.”

Snipes’ lawyers argued that he was a victim of crooked advisers, and the jury seemed to believe it. Co-defendants Eddie Ray Kahn, the founder of a tax protest group, and Douglas P. Rosile, an accountant who lost his licenses, were convicted Friday by the same panel of tax fraud and conspiracy. Both face up to 10 years in prison.

The government said Snipes failed to file tax returns from 1999 to 2004, a period in which he signed two contracts for more than $10 million on sequels in the “Blade” trilogy.

The actor, who also appeared in “White Men Can’t Jump,” is among the most famous targets of an IRS criminal investigation, and his prosecution was key for the government.

“We thought there was sufficient evidence for a conviction on all counts, but obviously the jury disagreed,” U.S. Attorney Robert O’Neill said.

Snipes used bizarre arguments to justify his position, saying the IRS’ own code meant income earned in this country wasn’t taxable, and the agency had no legal authority because it’s not a proper government entity.

Later, the actor threatened the government and individual agents in his pursuit, declaring himself a “nonresident alien” not subject to tax laws.

Prosecutors say Snipes paid taxes in the 1990s, but changed his mind after meeting Kahn in 2000. He allegedly stopped filing returns, illegally sought $11 million in 1996 and 1997 taxes paid and drew fake checks to pay the U.S. Treasury.

Kahn founded the central Florida tax protest group American Rights Litigators and its successor, Guiding Light of God Ministries. He has been using tax scams since at least the early 1980s, according to government documents, and refused to defend himself in court against these charges.

Rosile, a CPA who lost his licenses in Florida and Ohio, allegedly prepared the fraudulent documents for Snipes, along with numerous other Kahn clients.

Judge and jury have long rejected their ideas, but there were exceptions.

The IRS bears a unique burden of proof in criminal tax cases. It must show not only that someone broke the law, but he or she did so with willful, bad purpose to defraud the government.

A few defendants have won acquittal because the jury thought they sincerely believed they did not have to pay.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

5049: Taxing Tidbits.


A Restful Defense In A MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Wesley Snipes’ defense rested in the tax-evasion trial on Monday, and lawyers are scheduled to deliver closing arguments on Tuesday. “We chose not to call witnesses because there was no need to. The government prosecutors have put on a case that simply does not come close to meeting the standard of its burden of proof,” said Snipes’ lawyer. “It was obvious after we went over the evidence the government presented that we could move on to closing arguments immediately and get a just acquittal for Wesley on all counts listed in the indictment.” Plus, they’ll probably need time to read Snipes’ 600-page closing argument.

• Foxy Brown lost in her bid for early release due to medical conditions involving loss of hearing. Guess the judge wasn’t hearing it.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

5027: Coffee Breaks, Legal Breaks, Hit The Brakes.


Bitter grinding in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Starbucks is charging a buck and offering free refills in test markets to combat competition from value-driven rivals. The special price is roughly 50 cents less than the regular cost. Wonder if the wild animals in those lame Starbucks commercials will feel offended upon receiving a cheaper gift.

• Busta Rhymes got a sweet deal for pleading guilty to assaulting a former driver and a fan in separate punching incidents. The artist received three years’ probation and 10 days of community service. Plus, he’ll pay about $1,500 for driving while intoxicated with a suspended license. “I just wanted to say that I’m very grateful to the judge. I am very grateful to the system. I believe in the system,” said Rhymes. “It hasn’t failed me personally yet.” Seems like Rhymes beat two people and the system.

• Wesley Snipes may not fare as well as Busta Rhymes. The actor’s tax-evasion trial featured the reading of a letter Snipes sent the IRS in 2006. In the 600-page document, Snipes declared he was a “nonresident alien” and the IRS tricks folks to “terrorize, enslave, rape or pillage” taxpayers. Snipes also warned the government’s “illegal collection action” would lead to “significant personal liability” for the involved officials. Unless the actor can convince the court he actually accidentally sent the script for an upcoming Blade sequel, his next legal tactics are pretty clear: Immediately hire the attorneys for Busta Rhymes and R. Kelly—then use his vampire powers to resurrect the late Johnnie Cochran.

• NFL icon Jim Brown criticized Tiger Woods for not speaking out faster and more forcefully in response to the infamous Kelly Tilghman “lynch” remark. Brown said, “He waited until it was politically correct to come out and he should have come out right away.” Maybe Woods was waiting for Snipes to draft him a 600-page commentary.

• General Motors maintained its sales leadership over Toyota by a measly 3,000 cars in 2007. GM did, however, completely dominate Toyota in the “disrespecting-minority-advertising-agencies” category.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Essay 4986


Insanity pleas in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• The latest celebrities being investigated for steroid use include Mary J. Blige, 50 Cent and Wyclef Jean. The probe is taking place in upstate New York, and authorities have no evidence the celebrities violated any drug laws. Hey, it’s pretty rare when hip-hop stars haven’t violated any drug laws.

• Wesley Snipes presented the names of over 70 potential character witnesses during the first day of his tax fraud and conspiracy trial on Monday. He’s probably prepared to pay each of them for their support with all the loot he collected via tax evasion over the years.

• R. Kelly made a brief court appearance, listening to a judge deny the prosecution’s attempt to admit the testimony of a forensic and developmental pediatrician. The witness would have provided an opinion regarding the alleged victim’s denial of being a victim. The judge had previously nixed the witness’ testimony, but the prosecutors tried again. Not sure there will anything left to discuss when the trial actually takes place in May.

• O.J. Simpson is bragging he’ll be out of jail by midweek. Plus, when heading to prison last week, Simpson allegedly told pals, “It’s OK. I’ll spend five days in the slammer. Who cares?” Good question.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Essay 4969


Liars, liars in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• The New York Knicks are taking heat for a commercial campaign depicting fans gushing over the team. Seems the “fans” are fake—they’re just actors. Not sure what the problem is. It’s not like the Knicks are real NBA players.

• Marion Jones was sentenced to six months in prison plus 800 hours of community service for lying about her steroid use. The Knicks will probably ask her to appear in their commercial campaign.

• The IRS claims Wesley Snipes owes taxes on $38 million. Additionally, the actor allegedly tried to get fraudulent refunds totaling $11.3 million. Have any of the newspaper reports run with the headline H&R Black? Just wondering.

• O.J. Simpson is back in jail for bail violation. Note to O.J.: Don’t ask Wesley Snipes to bail you out.

• A mid-level employee for Ace Hardware apparently made innocent-yet-incorrect ledger book entries leading to a $152 million accounting error. The employee is no longer with the company. He’s probably working as Wesley Snipes’ accountant.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Essay 4956


Going nowhere in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Wesley Snipes lost his bids to delay and relocate the upcoming federal tax-evasion case. His next move: replace his lawyers with the guys representing R. Kelly.

• Michael Vick was relocated from Virginia to a Kansas jail. Wesley Snipes will probably be inquiring about the availability of Vick’s lawyers.

• A new study showed girls who consider themselves unpopular are more prone to gaining weight. And once they do, they likely become even more unpopular.

• The new Starbucks CEO—who is actually the old Starbucks CEO—announced plans to close some stores. Shutting down a Starbucks would force customers to, well, walk across the street to the other Starbucks.