Sunday, January 20, 2008

5009: Fat Rapper, Fat Company, Fat Lip.

Biggie and Small News in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…

• Eminem has reportedly ballooned to 200 pounds, and Slim-Fast has offered to sign him up as a spokesman. “Slim-Fast would love to offer Eminem … assistance to help him become a potential success story,” said a company official. “Slim-Fast is a program that can really work for someone like Eminem.” The rapper will probably opt to use steroids instead.

• Sears announced plans to reorganize into a mess of independently run businesses, each with its own honchos and operating goals. “We are introducing an organizational structure that provides operating businesses with greater control, authority and autonomy,” said the retailer in a prepared statement. “Each operating business unit will have a designated leader and an advisory group comprised of senior Sears Holdings executives to provide direction and oversee the business unit’s performance.” So consumers will now have a greater selection of Sears businesses to ignore.

• Four witnesses are backing a man’s story that Diddy beat him up at a post-Oscars Hollywood party last year. Attorneys for Diddy insisted the lawsuit is “completely baseless” and filed court papers stating the artist is “in no way legally responsible for what happened to [the alleged victim].” We’ll likely see Oscar-worthy performances before this case is over.

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