Saturday, January 24, 2009
6363: Tossing Cookies.
Cooking up the news in a MultiCultClassics Monologue…
• A Greenwich Village bakery cooked up controversy by creating “Drunken Negro Face” cookies to honor President Barack Obama on Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. The place received numerous complaints from folks in the community. “I’m sorry that people were offended by the cookie,” said the owner. “We were just trying to make a large number of people happy, and instead we made a large number of people confused and angry.” The bakery is—you guessed it—French..
• First Lady Michelle Obama dissed the new dolls fashioned after her daughters. “We believe it is inappropriate to use young, private citizens for marketing purposes,” stated a White House spokeswoman. Now toymaker Ty Incorporated is backpedaling, claiming the dolls—named “Sweet Sasha” and “Marvelous Malia” are not representing the Obama girls. Ty is fucking lying, pardon our French.
• Harley-Davidson announced plans to fire 1,100 workers, citing the bad economy. “We reduced our production levels prudently in 2008, helping our dealers achieve lower inventory levels,” said the chief executive, “and we’re going to show similar discipline in 2009.” Either that or introduce the Obamotorcycle.
• Toyota officially passed General Motors as the world’s biggest automaker. GM’s only chance to regain dominance would involve introducing the Obamobile.
• Microsoft deleted 1,400 workers, and plans to trash up to 5,000 jobs in the next 18 months—firing employees for the first time in its history. Folks were told to clean out their Microsoft Offices and, oh, never mind.